i dont know how im feeling. im confused. because i know randie doesnt love me as much as she loved or still does love chelsea and it just gets hard to try to live up to being as good as someone but then again im not good at anything and i also get discouraged because randie does everything well and shes talented with everything but i cant match her in anything oh well ive decided im useless and not even slightly good at anything i do. ive also come to realize randie wont be there forever i know shell leave me its jsut a matter of time and ill have nothing in life and i will be unsecessful and be ntohing at all

in school right now, once again i thought things were getting better and now im just worried again for an obvoius reason which i wont state in school.

hmm dont know, basically all i think about is how much ive ben hurt and how i know it will happen again yet i still stay with the one person who has hurt me the most that i could possibly be hurt and i cant think about being withoiut her because i dont think i could be, but then i realize she doesnt even share these feelings because someone whos done this couldnt possibly care and they know i wont leave them so they just keep walking all over me

hmm didnt even know songmeanings had a journel section, buuuut as usual my life is shit, besides the fact that i moved out of my house nothing is going right, shit keeps happening with my gf and even though its happened so many times i think id be use to it which i sort of am in the fact that i cant cry but idk it just hurts and i cant even bring myself to beleive anything she says about her loving me but oh well, the thing is ive ben in 2 serious, well 1 serious relationship and another where the bitch played with me to get her way and i see so many fucking similarities between the relationships but i just keep telling myself its not the same because i cant exactly just leave her because im a little to attached