okay, me and kj are friends again after a while of no speaking. i've been talking to travis online. we've become friends and i must say. after the first time we said hi in homeroom around the halls i thought he was really cool. then at our band pizza party i was sitting with him in the grass with sam and ryan seong and sameer and ross. and me and sam were playing the music game (i own everyone), and i found myself leaning back on my arm and i noticed when i did that i'd be really close to travis and he wouldn't move or anything. he's a nice kid. greg said i should ask him out cuz he wants a girlfriend and every girl he's asked out has rejected him. so i think im gonna after next sunday. sam wants to go out to the movies with everyone. last night me and greg made plans to go, like he and jen would invite me and travis just so me and travis could hang out. i wanna hang out with him outside of school a few times before i ask him out. so i guess this is fine. i just hope he's not great friends with everyone else. cuz then i wont have that much of a chance to flirt like crazy ^.~ it's not that obvious, i start off slow and then when he starts, i stay at the same level. that's what i do with scott. but im kinda over him, im pretty mad too. i can't wait till friday, it's clas night. if ryan's not going out with jessica, im gonna dance with him as many times as i can. and scott, maybe once if im not still mad. maybe gus if there's one dance where he's not dancing with someone. and i'd like to dance with kj for old time's sake. and of coarse travis.

I don't even feel for KJ. I only can think of this year as something that was once and never will be again. We just split apart. I brought his ex-girlfriend back into his life, and the two times the three of us hung out as three best friends, I was just there so they could be together. Ya, even though they weren't going out. If I couldn't be there they couldn't be with eachother. But now KJ doesn't give a flying fuck about me, even though he acts like he does, and he doesn't understand why I give him the cold shoulder. I just can't have someone like him in my life. If you've ever seen that episode of True Life on MTV, "I'm breaking up, I'm making up" that's me and KJ without the sexual contact and stuff. Cuz we never went out. But that was us. I like Ryan. I asked him to class night and I'm just going as a friend with him. But someone also asked a friend of mine, Scott for me. I didn't really want her to, but I wasn't sure if Ryan was gonna say yes or not. Scott said he'd go if Ryan says no. But Ryan will say yes cuz I'm supposed to ask this girl for him, and she'll say no, she WILL. Ryan also said Scott was asking him about me and was like, "So, are you going with Erin to class night?" and he said it in a voice that Ryan thought men he cares more than I think. Which made me feel good. I'm also planning on going to a concert with the both of them this summer. My life will be so much more free without KJ littering my mind with plans that wont come true. I'll love this. I hope. It's wierd without him snapping at me sarcasticly to make me feel like shit, or acting like he doesn't care when he might. It's a wierd feeling that I wont try to invite him over and he wont be able to make it. I'll see him just as much as I didn't when he told me he loved me (as a friend) and said I was his best friend, daily. Everyday he mentioned our friendship. And now all I'm getting is a "I can't do anything cuz I'm going over to KJ's house to go in his new hot-tub." from his ex. That's it. So it's over in one school year. Yup, I knew he would be a yearly friend.

There's no way I could ask Ryan out. I like KJ too much. I cannot wait until Friday, my mom's taking me and KJ to the mall in Buckland to go to Hot Topic. I really need a new shirt, badly. And I'm looking so foward to gaining back my old friendship with him. We kinda lost it after the French feild trip. It feels dead to me right now, but hopfully Friday will turn everything around.

i might ask someone out tonight. i danced with the kid at the dance on friday when i was helping to guard the bands stuff. (we're all offical ROADUMs) Ryan's the head roadum and him and KJ were joking around all night. i just found myself watching them joke the whole time. i love KJ, he's the best friend i've ever had. and Ryan is just so funny, cute and sweet. he's a good person to be around.

i have a journal. this is cool i'll be using this one very much.