So my best friend in the whole wide worlds Dad died on Friday. He was the father that I never had, and I honestly feel like I'm suffocating. 

Half the time I feel nothing. I'm just, numb. And my heart. Is just, gone. I don't feel anything at all. And I feel like an alien surrounded people, who feel everything.

And the other half the time I'm screaming in my head "No, no! He's not really gone!" and I keep telling myself that this is all some twisted nightmare, that he'll just walk through the door, making a stupid joke that we'll all laugh at. 

And all you feel is the pain, and the empty ache, that can't be filled. And you want nothing more, than to have him back, but you know, you'll never get him back. And you feel like you're literally breaking. And the only person who can fix it, is the one thats gone. 

And so you just shatter, and pieces of you are everywhere. And the other people who love you try to pick up each of the pieces for you, and they do a pretty good job, but some of the pieces, you'll never get back.

Nothing hurts more, than to know that you can never be whole again, after your first heartbreak, and more of you will be gone, with each loss.

I fell in love with this boy, and he fell in love with me. We were so happy, and free and unafraid. I don't think his parents like me, and he turns 16 soon and can date other people... and we've talked about maybe breaking up.

I don't want to lose him.

I'm afraid to lose the one whose made me happy.

The one who knows just how to comfort me.

The one who can put a smile on my face, just by simply walking into a room.

The boy who is walking around with my first kiss on his lips. 

The worst part of it all is that I've hurt him, by loving him.

I hurt the person, that I love the most, by loving him the most...