I have these photos that my parents took before they got married. They're of Niagra Falls.

Theres this one though, thats my favourite. Its of this dark tunnel. But at the end theres light, and the light is the opening of the tunnel where the waterfall is dropping down.

I feel like that. Like even if theres a light in all of this, it will actually only be a steep drop to sudden death. I know that sounds morbid. I know how cliche I sound. Some depressed girl telling her troubles online anonymously. I know how its cliche to acknowledege being cliche. Whatever.

I feel empty.

Not too fast, too slow,

Two steps and drown ,

We got no fear

Gotta take the danger

Too fast, too slow

Two steps and drown

No fear, no fear, no fear

No fear, no fear, no fear

 

Save me from the ceiling

Save me from myself

Nevermind, just save yourself

Keep your eyes on the prize

And your ear to the street

Or this game that you spit

Will become obsolete

 

Fuck the game, fuck the rules

Most of all, fuck you It's just the way I feel

The more I smile the less I bruise

 

Don't stop and think about it In your heart no one will doubt it

I can feel it breaking

 

Hang me from the ceiling I got the feeling that it's my time to go

If today was my last day here

You're the last one that I'd wanna see

 

Is there anybody listening, anyone at all

'Cause I am too close to the edge

And I am afraid I'll fall

Not trying to be different

'Cause we're all the same

Please take what you need

Doctor, help fix my brain

Help fix my brain, help fix my brain

 

Fuck the shame, fuck the truth

Most of all, fuck you

It's just the way I feel

The more I smile the less I bruise

 

Hang me from the ceiling I got the feeling that it's my time to go

If today was my last day here

You're the last one that I'd wanna see

 

And it doesn't ever feel right

No matter what it tastes like

So I'll take every last one of these pills

To kill what's inside of me

You can keep your fun, fun memories

Envision what I used to be

Teenage teardrops on my pillow

You reach for the stars but we end on the ceiling

Hang me from the ceiling I got the feeling that it's my time to go

If today was my last day here You're the last one that I'd wanna see

-Teenage Teardrops, Heartsrevolution

I wake up.

I wish I hadn't.

I get up.

I take the pills.

I go to school, or I stay at home.

I do something to pass the time, or more often I don't.

I take the pill.

I go back to sleep.

I repeat.

 

I've lost hope in everything. Its not a matter of if anymore, its a matter of when. I really think I should start planning more seriously. Its hard to bear every day.

Sat on the bathroom floor I knew this was it, I'd finally lost my mind.