AndyWood's Journal
- 4 Entries
-
Is It Worth It?
by AndyWood on May 03, 2013No Comments
I'm not alone but it feels so
I've got a home but nowhere to go
Tell me, where's the love I've known?
Has it gone since I've grown?
Now I'm bearing the weight of the world
People are behind me but not beside me
My head is spinning
And my mind's in a whirl
I don't wanna be like my mother
I'd rather be like any other
But I've got sadness on my side
Morality is well past its time
I'm no better than a beggar for change
I need a full on life rearrangeÂ
But I'm stuck, I'm on pause
Got no motivation, got no cause
If you could show me the way outta this
I'd thank you with every single kiss
But to you I'm just another face
Blendin' in with the rest of the race
Tell me, how did it get to this point?
I smile at your memory as your ghost passes the joint
I'm losing my sanity,
Questioning reality
My mommy was never all there
I guess that it's not that she didn't care
She was too far out of it to be aware
Fightin' the demons in her mind,
She just didn't have any time
Still I swear I'll not follow her steps
I can't handle all that regret
But here I am, with my mind in a fog
I can't stay like this for too long
Habits are hard to break, and
Freedom's hard to give up
Nightly deciding what I'm gonna take
Hoping I don't throw it up
Now I understand my mother's story
I know her pain and her worry
I never wanted to have a habit like her
Too many damaged nerves
But here I am with tears on my face
Looking for artificial happiness in a lonely place
Got nothing but my shadow by my side
No sanity left for me to live by
Tell me why I should stop
Is it worth it? Is it worth it?
I need something to numb the pain
Is it worth it? Is it worth it?
I need something clouding my brain
Is it worth it? Is it worth it?
I need something to keep me sane
Is it worth it? Is it worth it? -
Always Never Found
by AndyWood on May 03, 2013No CommentsI have nowhere to run
I feel like my days are done
But I guess I'll keep going on.
There's a dime in my pocket,
But no payphone to unlock it
So I'll just stay here, alone.
I'm a little bit lost,
And always never found
I'm a little in need of help,
And always never fine
It's just me and the wind
That messes my hair
Hoplessness hangs heavy
In the air
Reality screaming
That I'm on my own.
And I'm here,
With my heart at my feet
It's rotting away,
Once a fruit so sweet
It's gone bitter from living
In such an empty home.
But I'll always be a little bit lost
And always never found
A spirit born free
Now chained to the ground
A little in need of help,
And always never fine
Just left to battle
All the demons in my mind
And I'm a little bit tired of living this life
And always never bold enough to end it- til tonight.
Now, it's just me and the lonely streets that I walk
And a pistol with a single shot
About to pull the trigger with all I've got...
And no one's there to stop me. -
Dark Days
by AndyWood on May 02, 2013No CommentsThe days are long
My mouth is dry
I'm nodding off
But it's not shuteye
Their voices all blend into one
My vision is foggy;
How I love being numb
To feel nothing is to be at peace
Like a porn addict seeks release,
I look to find peace of mind
And like a killer lives for power,
I look to pause my darkest hour
The numbness is worth the sickness that comes after
The nights are weary
And I sweat like a pig
My stomach is churning
I feel everything
Every nerve is on fire
I feel like I'm dying
I need another dose,
I find myself crying
I need to be numb again
Opiates are my only friend
And I need to be numb again
Opiates are my only friend
You’re fucking up!
You should have tried harder.
Don’t be so needy!
Don’t be so sad!
You’re a piece of shit.
They think so, too.
Who? Well, everyone!
Even your friends hate you.
Don’t bite your lip!
You look so nervous!
I bet everyone knows that you’re scared.
Stop it! Stop it all!
You’re gonna fuck up again!
Then again, that’s all you are.
A lonely fuckup.
You annoy everyone,
They just don’t say so.
You’re so awkward,
You should just go
Hide behind your computer screen
No one knows you there
No one knows how shitty you are
Nor do they care