I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with eachother; for those were some of the best times of my life.

I dont know what is going on with you.  You have berated me and put me down for years.  Now it is getting worse...you hurt me so much emotionally, you are starting to push boundaries physically.  You seem to be losing it, your behavior more and more erratic everyday.  Yes, I agree that a divorce is a good thing, but I dont think the fact that you trying to make me suffer, and with that the children suffer is right.  You need help.  You have turned into a dry drunk and you are runing your family.  You have trapped us and we are living a life of hell.  Why do you feel you are superior?  You are toxic, and before you judge me, make sure you are perfect.  I have tried to help you for years, but I have come to the conclusion that at I have done too much for you and its time to stop.  You treat me like the most vile creature on earth.  You know what I think?  I think there is something wrong with you and not me.  Normal people do not go around destroying the ones they claim to love.  You are controlling and manipulative.  You dont see yourself as the problem.  You see it as everyone else being the problem.  Stop living a life of deflection and step up and take responsibility for the things that you have done.

How can you say you love me?  You treat me like shit on the bottom of your shoe while I treat you like a king.  You love the power, you love the attention and you love the control.  You make me sick.  You keep me sick and I am struggling and fighting to get better.  How can you cut someone you claim to love so deeply?  How can you ignore, insult and leave somebody so incredibly hurt they revert to the only mode of survival that they have ever known?  How is it okay to try to break me?  I promise you, you will never do that again.  You cant break what is already broken, and you will never kill a survivor.  I will fight til my dying breath to fix myself and live a life full of real love and understanding, not whatever sadistic game you continue to play with me.  Appreciate what you have, because once it is gone, you will NEVER AGAIN get it back.  There is nothing left for me to give you, really there is nothing left for you to take.  I think I have reached the end of my not so bottomless pit when it comes to you.  You refuse to listen or see what is happening right in front of you.  You dont care, and right now I am so filled with rage I just want to scream.  But I wont, instead I will continue to take it out on myself like I always do.  Thank you for adding to my sickness and giving me one more thing to fight through.