I've noticed that my writing has shifted, it's shifted from a sense of fluidity to a jolted sense of stream lining thoughts.

Well basically poetry.

Although, it's not only my writing, I guess its in many cases, me too. Once having the greatest need to spill, get it out, ramble. No understanding of selfworth, of self. Many say that being selfless is some attractive state, but honestly, how could you be certain of how to treat another being if you can't even function as human yourself.

This is the realisation, the finding, the knowing. Each day marking and seeing the moments of self progression, once your energy is stable, this is how I figured out how to human.

The process isn't over yet, hell not even for a long shot, but I'm getting this 'life' thing, I'm getting it in a way I never have before.

I like this new sense or at least better sense of knowing. Now to just not get lost in it.

REMINDER: Keep yourself human, that's all you are, that's all anyone is.

Human. 

There’s this approach

theres this instance 

where in one motion

notion 

it is there

right here

everything felt

is gained in this 

moment

instance

understanding

 

and it fills you with this 

this vigour

there is no constraint

 

ripples on skin

your skin

my 

my skin

 

and it instills this

fear

but fear is perfect

fear is what you need

fear is the base of 

of knowing

 

and I’m in this 

this vibration of movement

this movement

which my pulse doesn’t understand

although the cosmos is there

in all it’s certainty

 

life

realisation it’s all 

there

And I kind of feel crooked

my hands feel small

my nose cold

and I'm waiting for the orbit

the moon to find its place

the water to fill my ears

my collar

for those lights to catch the stones

those planes to collide

to explode

fill me with some other form of 

intention

some other way of knowing

I mean, you could say

extonetial

but it's the shapes on the ground

hexadecimal

what does that even mean

disjointed in this perfect

isolation

and my nose is running

sniff

my legs are dangling

breath 

the planes are crashing

sleep

just sleep

broken hearts bleed 

demise

trust...

only you, only your heart

give no way to broken skulls

and shattered hip bones

creeping extensively

but no better than last

no better

than the drops on the pane

no better than the gravel

between your joints

fall into that hole

and stay

further into the

earth

smell the sand

mud blocking your

ears

hold your breath

rooted

Cool write down the sensible list

what makes sense and what doesn’t

 

Life? Does that make sense right now

 

well in part, I mean it’s merely progression, wanting to be something that you have no certainty of yet

yes 

progression

 

I can honestly feel it though

that gauged ache of being without you

it doesn’t wrap my throat anymore

 

Sleeping is easier 

but later

its filled with interest of substance

of more

 

it’s filled with knowing

in one side of my shoulder

in waves of my head

 

its harmless unspoken

stumped

there’s no internet that’s the problem

 

 

Self awareness