What are u suppose to do when u have been knocked down and never picked back up? I think that you should just pick urself back up and never think back. In life u meet new people and loose touch of old people. Most cases thats not a bad thing. When u have lived ur life from 8 years old to 18 years old in the childrens aid system getting fed all theses lies and bullshit, u dont know what to believe anymore. When your additude towards foster parents or the social workers are aggresive and disrespectful. You dont know who to trust cuz people come and go in ur life. U can never get to trust someone in your life before poof they are gone.... The lies childrens aid have said is bullshit, but i guess u live a life of lies until u start to figure out the truth then everything is different. Â U never trust anyone even to tell them whats wrong. As shit starts to change in the foster home so does ur additude. U start running away and not coming home till 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning and waking the other kids up on ur way in and then getting punished but u do it all over again. The more shit changes the worse ur additude gets. Children's aid firing your favourite foster parents and telling u that they will be back. Having random people that u dont know stay the night while the other ones have went home. Half way through the night ur texting ur boyfriend and he tells u to come outside, well his plan was not to talk it was to get u to go to his house while everyone including the person u dont know is sleeping. Â Them not knowing what happened to u and trying to find you but u dont want to go back to that evil place that has drove u to drinking urself to sleep and doing hardcore drugs.. When coming into the home them trying to search u and when they get fed up on trying u just get away with everything. Having ur ciggarettes in the house when they are not suppose to be.. Sneaking in a backpack of alcohol. The workers of the foster home not even knowing that u have it. Also them not knowing you have weed, cocaine, and meth on ur person. U try all u can do so u can get through the last little bit of living in the foster home. Living through the thoughts in ur head, some not so good and u try and end ur life but all u can do is cut ur arm to a bunch of lines and not knowing why u actually did it. Thinking to urself do i really wanna die or is it time to get harder and harder into these drugs that u have in ur room. The more u do the number u get, but the angerier ur mind gets. Ur ashamed of telling people that u do not live with ur real parents cuz u dont know how they will react. U think to urself maybe one day my life will be normal and not full of bullshit people and their lies. Having ur foster parent that is suppose to be there to help u and him throwing hot coffee on u.. He is suppose to protect u and have ways to teach u towatch ur mouth, but noooo he decides to throw his fresh hot coffee on u and Childeren's aid saying that u deserved it and that it should be a learning lesson and that u should learn from it. Living a life going to ur birth mothers house on weekends and dealing with her shit. Having her take u to her boyfriends house at the time and them drinking and him sneak u a few beers and when he thinks ur dunk enough he tries to stick his hand down your pants when ur mother left the room. U being aroung 9 or 10 and him having a daughter the same age as u. U not knowing what to do, if u tell children's aid they will take ur visits with ur mom away, so u just keep it to urself u dont wanna tell ur mom and her calling u a lying son of a bitch. So 9 or 10 years u with hold what happened and not telling a soul about what he actually did to u. U go through all those years with that on ur concience and ur mom going from guy to guy and each one being worse then the one before. All u do is not say anything so u can still visit ur mother and get out of the foster or group home that u were in. Being away from the house makes u feel free for just 2 nights and 3 days, that being to short and u feel it goes to quick and u dont want to leave ur mother, but knowing u have to. Â Â When u go back to the house u feel like ur nothing and that u dont feel like u are even cared about. Going from home to home not knowing when u can finally feel at home and safe. Living a life where u are being moved from house to house and never at one house for more then 1 year and then u finally go to a home with wonderful foster parents and finally u feel at home and safe. U live there with those people for close to 3 years and yea having ur problems but knowing things will be better. Having the family fights and then being able to work through them. When u look at these people u know u can feel safe and not feel like ur gonna get moved again. The foster parents take u on fun and amazing trips. Trips like going to Prince edward island, going to the states to shop for clothes, niagera falls,and doing things as a family like go to new york. U finally find a place where u belong and well one kid ruins it for u and everyone else. Well two to be exact! The one kid touching the foster parents 4 year old neice and the foster dad coming home drunk one night and goes into this kids room and starts to snap on him while u are in the room below him and can hear everything that is happening in the room above u. Then having the foster dad come downstairs and tell u everything that has happened and apologize for the noise. Then when u get a new kid move into ur home and him being gay and the foster dad has problems with homosexual people cuz of his religion. Him being catholic and all. The foster parents tried to push their religion onto u and u not believing in it at all. The foster perents decided to have a baby while working with all u foster kids. but when all that shit happened with that one kid, his brother living in the same foster home and the foster dad telling u not to let their son near this kids brother cuz theysay that if one brother does it so will the other. Well that went on for about two months and the foster dad took u out for dinner and u being the only one the rest had to make food at home. Well that happened for awhile. The foster dad would yell at u and u would get scared and hide in ur rooom and wouldnt come out for dinner or anything. Â The only real time u really came outta ur room is when u were heading to school. When u leave for school u are free from the foster home and ur foster dad. Being at school was ur escape and u going to school in a different town was even better. The farther away from the foster home u were the happier u are. Finally one day u go home to a house that ur foster parents would have been, u expecting to see the foster parents kid waiting for u at the door, but something was different and u couldnt pin point it till the workers that worked in the foster gave u a letter from ur foster mom and it saying that they have left and they dont know if they will ever be coming back. Once again uve been dumped and dropped and forgotten about. The childrens aid bring in someone that none of u in the house have ever met in ur time being in the foster home with the people that were picked by ur foster parents that left chose to be in the house. U not liking the idea of someone new being there for the night, But that is when ur major problems begin. What it means by the saying ur major problems begin means that u start running away when the workers are sleeping, or u are running away at any point or chance u have. Once those foster parents left u started doing the hard drugs at first it was just weed but now u are into cocaine and meth. Not telling anyone that u do these drugs and it becoming a problem that ur body starts to depened on it and cant function without doing it. U start going behind children's aids back to see ur older brother and ur dad. The way u would see ur dad iks a different way then how u would go and see ur brother.. Ur brother would call the foster home and would give the workers a different name then his own. The reason he couldnt use his own is cuz u were not allowed to see ur brothers at all. There was only one way that u would see ur dad and that would be to go to ur sisters place and him being there and well the workers not knowing a thing about whats going on. Finally down the road both ur dad and ur sister finds out u are into drugs and its very bad, they disown u. Ur father and u havent talked for god like 7 or 8 years before one day ur living on ur own well not really on ur own with ur other half. The boyfriend and u offered to drive ur mom down to where ur brother lives so she can get her new vehicle cuz hers was a piece of shit and wouldnt drive without breaking down. So u and ur boyfriend drive her to ur brothers. Ur brother lives 5 houses away from ur dad and u not knowing if he will show up and if he does how u will take it. Well ur nightmare comes true, ur dad pulls in and u dont know what to do so u say hi daddy and asked him for a hug. He wouldnt give u a hug, as everyone was looking at ur dads truck u go over and talk to the person that has been around since we were little and he is basicaly family and i just turn my back to my dad and everyone else and just balled my eyes out and not knowing what to do. Before u even thought about going down u wanted to get high and deal with the jitters that u have. The drug that u chose was meth and u just handled the situation differently then cuz u were high outta ur mind and well u were also up for the night and well u handled the situation better and the things he said and how he would sit there and make jokes about u. Everyone would laugh at the jokes about u. When u finally were getting ready to go u ask ur dad if u can have a hug again and he gives u one and wants u to come to his rib fest. Well u dont know what to really say so u just say "let me know when it is and i will see if i can make it". As u walk to the care and get in u tell ur boyfriend that u doubt u will ever, ever in ur life go back there again. That was a very emotional day cuz u see ur dad after a long time and all u can feel is nothing and u think and think all the way back to ur moms place that it isnt right cuz he is not anything like a father to u and well ur moms boyfriend took u under his wing as his daughter and he did everything he could to protect u. Ur real dad wasnt there when u needed him so why do u need him now. In away u want ur dad back in ur life and have both families be a family again. When i am finally able to think and able to feel i know the best thing to do is try and fix the bad fall outs in ur life. The one thing that u rather do is be all alone out at urs and ur boyfriends house and not at ur mothers. There was ur brother and his two kids at ur moms and well u and ur brother both know that there is things that need to change. What needs to change is everything about ur mothers apartment. When the time comes u and ur brother go off and and were having a brother sister talk. When u find out that news isnt always good and u find out if ur brother isnt careful he could end up being a big pile of nothing. So ur brother turns to u and asks u to do him a big favor and well he said he will do one in return. The favor is a realistic one for both u and ur brother yea the favors are not the same but they are both gonna end up killing us both one day. Well ur brother turns to u and says listen i need u to do me a favor and that favor is to quit doing drugs and he said he would quit drinking. well this deal isnt suppose to take place till 7 am the next morning. U already sit there and think what it would be like to finally be ablqe to think without drugs or alcohol in ur system. the only reason ur brother and u do what u do is to hide ur feelings. Ur brother says to u he is gonna and trying to get u back into ur dads side of the family and that is what u have wanted for so many years. So u and ur brother commit to the deal and set the time and that time is the next morning at 7am and the reason u and ur brother chose that time is so u can have one last night od u doing ur drugs and him drinking but then at 7 am u and him are not allowed to touch anything. As u sit at home and think about what it is going to be like, u start to get scared. Cuz u do the drugs so u can surpress memories and vivid pictures that come when u have nothing in ur system. But this deal is gonna make both u and ur brother healthy cuz a u wont have the chemicals from the drugs in ur system and b he wont have the effects of alcohol and well the more u think about it, the more u freak out but then u think of the positives and u start to feel calm again. But what does it feel like to sober and not high? U have always asked urself that but u have never been able to stay sober so the more drugs u do the more ur brother worries about ur health and what the drug is doing. Well its the facts of life as to why drugs are on the planet and u can do them if u want to but u should stick with ur brother to help him quit drinking and be healthy and free from pain.
What are u suppose to do when u have been knocked down and never picked back up? I think that you should just pick urself back up and never think back. In life u meet new people and loose touch of old people. Most cases thats not a bad thing. When u have lived ur life from 8 years old to 18 years old in the childrens aid system getting fed all theses lies and bullshit, u dont know what to believe anymore. When your additude towards foster parents or the social workers are aggresive and disrespectful. You dont know who to trust cuz people come and go in ur life. U can never get to trust someone in your life before poof they are gone.... The lies childrens aid have said is bullshit, but i guess u live a life of lies until u start to figure out the truth then everything is different. Â U never trust anyone even to tell them whats wrong. As shit starts to change in the foster home so does ur additude. U start running away and not coming home till 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning and waking the other kids up on ur way in and then getting punished but u do it all over again. The more shit changes the worse ur additude gets. Children's aid firing your favourite foster parents and telling u that they will be back. Having random people that u dont know stay the night while the other ones have went home. Half way through the night ur texting ur boyfriend and he tells u to come outside, well his plan was not to talk it was to get u to go to his house while everyone including the person u dont know is sleeping. Â Them not knowing what happened to u and trying to find you but u dont want to go back to that evil place that has drove u to drinking urself to sleep and doing hardcore drugs.. When coming into the home them trying to search u and when they get fed up on trying u just get away with everything. Having ur ciggarettes in the house when they are not suppose to be.. Sneaking in a backpack of alcohol. The workers of the foster home not even knowing that u have it. Also them not knowing you have weed, cocaine, and meth on ur person. U try all u can do so u can get through the last little bit of living in the foster home. Living through the thoughts in ur head, some not so good and u try and end ur life but all u can do is cut ur arm to a bunch of lines and not knowing why u actually did it. Thinking to urself do i really wanna die or is it time to get harder and harder into these drugs that u have in ur room. The more u do the number u get, but the angerier ur mind gets. Ur ashamed of telling people that u do not live with ur real parents cuz u dont know how they will react. U think to urself maybe one day my life will be normal and not full of bullshit people and their lies. Having ur foster parent that is suppose to be there to help u and him throwing hot coffee on u.. He is suppose to protect u and have ways to teach u towatch ur mouth, but noooo he decides to throw his fresh hot coffee on u and Childeren's aid saying that u deserved it and that it should be a learning lesson and that u should learn from it. Living a life going to ur birth mothers house on weekends and dealing with her shit. Having her take u to her boyfriends house at the time and them drinking and him sneak u a few beers and when he thinks ur dunk enough he tries to stick his hand down your pants when ur mother left the room. U being aroung 9 or 10 and him having a daughter the same age as u. U not knowing what to do, if u tell children's aid they will take ur visits with ur mom away, so u just keep it to urself u dont wanna tell ur mom and her calling u a lying son of a bitch. So 9 or 10 years u with hold what happened and not telling a soul about what he actually did to u. U go through all those years with that on ur concience and ur mom going from guy to guy and each one being worse then the one before. All u do is not say anything so u can still visit ur mother and get out of the foster or group home that u were in. Being away from the house makes u feel free for just 2 nights and 3 days, that being to short and u feel it goes to quick and u dont want to leave ur mother, but knowing u have to. Â Â When u go back to the house u feel like ur nothing and that u dont feel like u are even cared about. Going from home to home not knowing when u can finally feel at home and safe. Living a life where u are being moved from house to house and never at one house for more then 1 year and then u finally go to a home with wonderful foster parents and finally u feel at home and safe. U live there with those people for close to 3 years and yea having ur problems but knowing things will be better. Having the family fights and then being able to work through them. When u look at these people u know u can feel safe and not feel like ur gonna get moved again. The foster parents take u on fun and amazing trips. Trips like going to Prince edward island, going to the states to shop for clothes, niagera falls,and doing things as a family like go to new york. U finally find a place where u belong and well one kid ruins it for u and everyone else. Well two to be exact! The one kid touching the foster parents 4 year old neice and the foster dad coming home drunk one night and goes into this kids room and starts to snap on him while u are in the room below him and can hear everything that is happening in the room above u. Then having the foster dad come downstairs and tell u everything that has happened and apologize for the noise. Then when u get a new kid move into ur home and him being gay and the foster dad has problems with homosexual people cuz of his religion. Him being catholic and all. The foster parents tried to push their religion onto u and u not believing in it at all. The foster perents decided to have a baby while working with all u foster kids. but when all that shit happened with that one kid, his brother living in the same foster home and the foster dad telling u not to let their son near this kids brother cuz theysay that if one brother does it so will the other. Well that went on for about two months and the foster dad took u out for dinner and u being the only one the rest had to make food at home. Well that happened for awhile. The foster dad would yell at u and u would get scared and hide in ur rooom and wouldnt come out for dinner or anything. Â The only real time u really came outta ur room is when u were heading to school. When u leave for school u are free from the foster home and ur foster dad. Being at school was ur escape and u going to school in a different town was even better. The farther away from the foster home u were the happier u are. Finally one day u go home to a house that ur foster parents would have been, u expecting to see the foster parents kid waiting for u at the door, but something was different and u couldnt pin point it till the workers that worked in the foster gave u a letter from ur foster mom and it saying that they have left and they dont know if they will ever be coming back. Once again uve been dumped and dropped and forgotten about. The childrens aid bring in someone that none of u in the house have ever met in ur time being in the foster home with the people that were picked by ur foster parents that left chose to be in the house. U not liking the idea of someone new being there for the night, But that is when ur major problems begin. What it means by the saying ur major problems begin means that u start running away when the workers are sleeping, or u are running away at any point or chance u have. Once those foster parents left u started doing the hard drugs at first it was just weed but now u are into cocaine and meth. Not telling anyone that u do these drugs and it becoming a problem that ur body starts to depened on it and cant function without doing it. U start going behind children's aids back to see ur older brother and ur dad. The way u would see ur dad iks a different way then how u would go and see ur brother.. Ur brother would call the foster home and would give the workers a different name then his own. The reason he couldnt use his own is cuz u were not allowed to see ur brothers at all. There was only one way that u would see ur dad and that would be to go to ur sisters place and him being there and well the workers not knowing a thing about whats going on. Finally down the road both ur dad and ur sister finds out u are into drugs and its very bad, they disown u. Ur father and u havent talked for god like 7 or 8 years before one day ur living on ur own well not really on ur own with ur other half. The boyfriend and u offered to drive ur mom down to where ur brother lives so she can get her new vehicle cuz hers was a piece of shit and wouldnt drive without breaking down. So u and ur boyfriend drive her to ur brothers. Ur brother lives 5 houses away from ur dad and u not knowing if he will show up and if he does how u will take it. Well ur nightmare comes true, ur dad pulls in and u dont know what to do so u say hi daddy and asked him for a hug. He wouldnt give u a hug, as everyone was looking at ur dads truck u go over and talk to the person that has been around since we were little and he is basicaly family and i just turn my back to my dad and everyone else and just balled my eyes out and not knowing what to do. Before u even thought about going down u wanted to get high and deal with the jitters that u have. The drug that u chose was meth and u just handled the situation differently then cuz u were high outta ur mind and well u were also up for the night and well u handled the situation better and the things he said and how he would sit there and make jokes about u. Everyone would laugh at the jokes about u. When u finally were getting ready to go u ask ur dad if u can have a hug again and he gives u one and wants u to come to his rib fest. Well u dont know what to really say so u just say "let me know when it is and i will see if i can make it". As u walk to the care and get in u tell ur boyfriend that u doubt u will ever, ever in ur life go back there again. That was a very emotional day cuz u see ur dad after a long time and all u can feel is nothing and u think and think all the way back to ur moms place that it isnt right cuz he is not anything like a father to u and well ur moms boyfriend took u under his wing as his daughter and he did everything he could to protect u. Ur real dad wasnt there when u needed him so why do u need him now. In away u want ur dad back in ur life and have both families be a family again. When i am finally able to think and able to feel i know the best thing to do is try and fix the bad fall outs in ur life. The one thing that u rather do is be all alone out at urs and ur boyfriends house and not at ur mothers. There was ur brother and his two kids at ur moms and well u and ur brother both know that there is things that need to change. What needs to change is everything about ur mothers apartment. When the time comes u and ur brother go off and and were having a brother sister talk. When u find out that news isnt always good and u find out if ur brother isnt careful he could end up being a big pile of nothing. So ur brother turns to u and asks u to do him a big favor and well he said he will do one in return. The favor is a realistic one for both u and ur brother yea the favors are not the same but they are both gonna end up killing us both one day. Well ur brother turns to u and says listen i need u to do me a favor and that favor is to quit doing drugs and he said he would quit drinking. well this deal isnt suppose to take place till 7 am the next morning. U already sit there and think what it would be like to finally be ablqe to think without drugs or alcohol in ur system. the only reason ur brother and u do what u do is to hide ur feelings. Ur brother says to u he is gonna and trying to get u back into ur dads side of the family and that is what u have wanted for so many years. So u and ur brother commit to the deal and set the time and that time is the next morning at 7am and the reason u and ur brother chose that time is so u can have one last night od u doing ur drugs and him drinking but then at 7 am u and him are not allowed to touch anything. As u sit at home and think about what it is going to be like, u start to get scared. Cuz u do the drugs so u can surpress memories and vivid pictures that come when u have nothing in ur system. But this deal is gonna make both u and ur brother healthy cuz a u wont have the chemicals from the drugs in ur system and b he wont have the effects of alcohol and well the more u think about it, the more u freak out but then u think of the positives and u start to feel calm again. But what does it feel like to sober and not high? U have always asked urself that but u have never been able to stay sober so the more drugs u do the more ur brother worries about ur health and what the drug is doing. Well its the facts of life as to why drugs are on the planet and u can do them if u want to but u should stick with ur brother to help him quit drinking and be healthy and free from pain.
this is just a thought about lifeÂ