I only wish I knew for certain certain things like; does he go back and change things that I haven't read yet to relate to me? Has everything I have learned on my own been somehow guided? I am so afraid to dig deeper because when I read about him and how similar and how nearly foreshadowing and close, I get angry and feel threatened somehow. On the defense and I'm not exactly sure why though I have a rough estimate. I think it has to do with being paranoid that it isn't the truth and that for something false to have any effect on me, well, makes me angry for allowing it to? And then the fear of his omnipresence and being afraid to go places I used to enjoy going because "they" know me. I can handle just him, but do not like others. Or I would like to know when he is the others. More than anything it's overwhelming and exhausting and I wish there were a way to...be...real... This is the only way I know him and I am frightened to know more while yearning to.

Yes, YOU are very original! It's funny because somehow I always want to spell original and genesis wrong...a carnal fail when words only are meant to express the root; the core, right? Specifically the i with an a and the e with an I...hm...the I with an a as in ass (me) and the e with and i... Anywhoooo....they say the key to a man's heart is through his tummy...but the key to a woman (man-like, I guess) is through her head. Thought maybe you wanted to know and that's why I spew forth like a can you shake up and then pop the top. Sorry... You were mistaken of me. Nothing special. Nothingg at all. The bubbles burst, but it's a good thing. Mystery is just an illusion when it comes to People. Again... Sorry. It is what it is and that is that, said Mr.Ned. A horse is a horse of course of course....welllll...what else could it be? Even if it talks? It is still a horse of course! Yay! I am me!

When you are at the beach and begin to wonder why there are no fish to catch and then while laying in the surf realize that suddenly every tiny crab hole (after wondering if it (the crab holes) were somehow a hydro-dynamic effect of the sand and constant influx of the ocean tide in accordance with the underground aquifers and oxygen vs water with porus eathen sandy beach) do you notice that in fact these tiny holes are crab chambers....thennnn....suddenly you notice that at once (around 5pm) theses tiny porus aquiphorous penetrating water inlets via release of oxygen bubbles (displacement) put out tiny pellets of rectangular pellets of some sort....whaat?! A fucking crab hole...I knew it the whole time...(my initial reaction which was wayy too simple!) Sooo....then...the fish come (the tiny bait fish) and I realize...shitballs!! They are coming for the crab poo...and suddenly....the entire ocean made sense!! The entire food chain I could see as if a magical crystal ball...crab shit!! Problem solved. The emotion this evoked is that if I were an indian, I surely would survive the tides of time! Ha! And my son...the kindergartener whos been in school for 10yrs and rightfully so as you cannot penetrate his thick skull because he has thoughtfully arrived at crab shit just as I...runs to the shore line with, "mama! do you see these little balls on this plant (seaweed)...the fish will come because they are going to eat the balls and we need to get them all into a pile so that we can catch a fish... Yep, the fruit doesn't fall from the tree. Needless to say (-times3andinbetween) the fish did come! I learned this by feeding minnows with doritos (on a hunch) which drew in the larger predators because the small, yet collaborative sound of tiny fish feeding. Good times these are and how to ever articulate them, eh, who knows....maybe Logan....the devil child. Crab crap it is!

When you cannot enable "only your friends" because you have none! And this is my life!

...communication through a diary which is publically yet privately (now) directed toward one person (though at one time, I knew it was one person, just not the one I thought)...blahhhhh.... Hogwash!! Isn't that such a splendid word?! Sounds like color wash...like a dull wash of grays and light blue that somehow manages to make slivers of pink...with...HOG! The most ugly and unclean animal of the entire animal world....they are intelligent yet are just disgusting and we...eat them... Hogwash... And it means... Bulllshit... Like everything I read and unlike anything I ever mean...here...at songmeanings... Not so much in my real life... Hogwash... I feel it!

Middle ages, and a potential knight. No joke, that is exactly what I felt about the name...just forgot is was a manly mans magazine. This is why I am quiet and get bored and distracted easily. YaY! 1.2.3. can you hear me? It feels great!!

And what was a squire during the Rennessance? (songmeanings needs a spell check severely!)

I just realized that my username sounds like a hot babes, beer, cars...the whole nine yards...magazine. Just thought I'd clarify the "somewhat" meaning of the name since usually my usernames are meaningful to me (for some, strange reason). Well, since every user name was taken, I thought something that sounds like inquire and inspire sounded like insquire as a form to merge the two. But now I see how it is too similar to esquire which sounds a lot like escort and f-balls, that sux! So be it.