I am tired of this. Laying around, googling, youtubing nonsense. It is summer and I am still in bed!! Wtf? What has happened to me to become so lazy? Ever since He-who-must-not-be-named (1 and half yrs ago), I have been so lazy. I let him kill my universe. This must change. No more lazy ass. I want to lose weight, I am 127lbs, I want to lose at *least* 17 lbs. So if I lose 2lbs every week, that means that I can reach my goal in about 8 weeks!! Hoorah! Two months and I'll hopefully be active and happy again =)

Where do they belong?

I am hoping that one of these days I finally meet someone who I like and who likes me back and who does not work with me. All the guys I work with like me, I have no idea why. It gets kind of annoying because I am tired of breaking guys hearts. I feel like such a bitch. But I don't understand a few of them. Even after I am completely straightforward with them by telling them that I do not like them the way they like me, they are still so persistent on us spending time together. They still want to hang out with me! And it never works out because then they always end up kissing me or doing something to show their feelings for me. I honestly do not understand guys from my work. So, hopefully I will discover a love this summer. Mmmm, hot summer loves are the BEST!!! ~Peace out Song Meanings~

That I am thrilled that summer is right around the corner!!! I just have to bullshit my way through these finals this week and then I will be FREEEEEE!!!!! By the way, Happy Mother's Day to all who it relates to :)

what it'd be like to catch a star from afar? It might be warm enough to lighten your heart and shine through your overcast mind. Or maybe it could burn right through your soul to leave you with the crusts to formulate an improved perception. Perhaps we need only to imagine an act of capturing this fiery astronomical substance in order to cope, surrender, relax, accept and propel forward through life's journey. Just imagine its light generating a vast amount of energy that could pursue you to believe in a positive progressive essence. Rise to the dawn and seize the day, my loved ones. Take care, take care.

if I could... Hmm.

all my dreams crowd my head. Not the kind with futures. The ones with abnormalities and irregular happenings. These kinds put you in situations that leave you with either content, disappointment, horror, or deep confusion. Sometimes when you need strength it is lost in your thickly liquid movements so that you cannot even lift your head. Something always seems to prevent you from impact with the ground, or completing your search, or even fighting to protect. That barrier is always there. The quest is to discover the the ideal mind power to develop these visions with full potential. Hmm, just a thought... dreams are fascinating.

I cannot concentrate and complete (well, actually even start) any of my homework!! Shoot, I hate how I always delay... But listening to music is so much more interesting! Hum-dee-dum :)

Ever since the weather has cleared up (become less cloudy and warmer), I've been in a better mood. I am even on my monthly womanly gift, and my mood hasn't taken a toll this week =D Maybe I am getting better. I've been laughing a lot more lately, at work, at school, and at home. I want to hold onto these happy feelings. It's great to feel this way. People at work and my family are noticing the happier me. I want to keep it this way... I think a lot of it had to do with the music I was listening to. Not that what I was listening to was bad music, it is amazing music, absolutely. It's just it affected my thoughts and mood dramatically. I was listening to more Linkin Park, Fly Leaf, Bullet for My Valentine- basically music that has a lot of pain, because I felt I could totally relate to the lyrics. Especially Linkin Park's "Don't Stay," "From the Inside," and "Somewhere I Belong,". They are amazing songs, but they just continued to make me sad :( Once I steered away from those songs, I began listening to a lot of my old upbeat music, like: Regina Spektor, Mika, Streetlight Manifesto, Vanessa Carlton, Dave Matthews Band, Dance Hall Crashers, Steel Train, Broken Bells, Stars, FEEL, etc. And I got new music (new to me): Of Monsters and Men, Sheerwater, Beirut and fun.! Also, I've been trying to run whenever I can. It REALLY helps my mood. I've known that it does, but I just don't have the right time for it in my schedule (I like to run when the sun is out). I think that is why I always put it off. Well, I put everything off. Right now I'm watching music videos on youtube instead of writing my 3 papers, 4 discussions (which are all due tonight) and studying for my exam for tomorrow morning. Never mind all the reading I have to do too. Ugh. This CalstateUniversity is much harder than I thought it was going to be. Wait, why would I think it'd be easier than the junior college I was at before? Haha, uuuhhh.... =P Anyways, enough about me... how is everyone's Sunday going so far? =)

...i discovered myself again. I realized my pain does not help the grass to grow or the sun to shine. Instead, all of a sudden I missed everyone and discovered that the earth is not a cold dark place. I feel like this is my first breath after coma. Now that the moon is down, I looked into the air to find the sun's rays illuminating my skin. This was most pleasing, because I felt as if I spent at least six days at the bottom of the ocean. With the sun shining brightly on this unforgettable day, all I wanted to do was take your hand in mine. I understand, but don't worry, it's natural to be afraid. I'll take your trembling hands if you take mine. As our fingers touch, time stops. Instantly, as we look into each other's eyes, we experience the magic hours of love. Please, my love, let me back in. Although the glittering blackness can represent my mood sometimes, I want you to please, please, remember me as a time of day. My mood can linger on the birth and death of the day, which for you, seems like the catastrophe and the cure. Ah, but the love I have for you needs to be expressed now. Remember that the only moment we were alone before I could not express anything. But now, I have better human qualities...I need you to know that. It is time for me to say, so long, lonesome self, who for many moments took over my perspective of life. I am alive again. Now, with tired eyes, tired minds, tired souls, we slept. **These are song names and album titles from Explosions in the Sky. And the journal title is from The Outsiders (the book and movie use the same line)**