Today is nowhere near a good day. My best friend is dead and it's his birthday. I had a surprise birthday party planned ahead and everything. Make matters worse, his party is still on. I had been trying all day to keep my anger inside but it's gonna come out. Actually, I've been trying since fifth grade. trying not to snap at no one. Trying not to shpw any sign of depression whatsoever. Sure, I might've went a little goth. And probably talk about death a lot. But who cares? People at school think I'm some little angel and I let them. And at home? Who gives a damn. All of this shit I've been through for the past years and they haven't noticed a thing. They know me. They don't care about me. Who the hell does.? Well...someone did. And now he's dead. And everyone cares about him. But if I died right now, who would actually give a damn and shed a tear becase they loved me, not because I was some other person who helped them the fuck out? and the worse part: no one knows about me. Not a sngle living soul on earth. They don't know the pain I'm going through. They don't know I had a best friend who I could confide in. They don't know he died. They don'y know I have to deal with a bunch of paranormal bullshit that still haunts me. They don't know I can't sleep. They don't know that I try to KILL myself in my sleeep when I do sleep. They don't know that I'm depressed. They don't know that I have anger issues. They don't know that know that I have gone over the edge of insanity. They don't even know that I'm dying. And I like it that way. I don't want to know. If they know, they'll try to fix it. And I don't eant it fixed. I WANT to die. I dream of it(or wish I dreamed of it consider all my dreams arre nightmares). Let death come. Let death kill me. Let it drag me to the darkest depts of hell. Let me burn. Cause the pain feels oh, so good. Oh, so lovely. Let death drag me down.Get me out of this living hell. Get me. I hate it here. But I have some pride. And I'm strong. Oh, so strong. I'll leave with dignity. I won't kill myself. I'll just slowly wait in this agony til my time comes. Then I'll watch from hell the reactions of my family and friends when they find out I'm dead. I'll see who really cares and who doesn't. And I'll laugh. I'll laugh at the shit going on up there when I'm dead. All the people who will realize they need me cry their eyeballs out. it'll be like a wonderland. Heaven in hell. Isn't that ironic?