I tell you all they do is text on their Walkman transistors and spin platters on their jukeboxes. Why in tarnation do they need those newfangled victrolas with the dag-gone puppy dog a-sitting there listning to the telegraph?

I tell you today's youngsters just are not responsible nor ready for adulthood. Why all they ever do is download that devilish syncopated ragtime boogie-woogie into their damn touch-tone telephones. You think the Good Lord meant for them to live like this? Doing the twist all night long? Flapping their wicked pearls to the "Charleston" and smoking pipes with Brycreem in their hair as they tap out racy messages in Morse Code to savage heathen peoples in the jungle-land? Why some of them have no shame at all I say. They display their brazen midriffs and tempt the young men when they go a-courtin in the kitchen parlour. No sir these young folks are in need of a good old-fashioned hiding. With a thresher's flail, yesirree-Bob...

My old granny Jehoshaphat would have taken me to the woodshed for FAR LESS than that .   Now you kids put that cat down and put your pants on RIGHT NOW or I've half a mind to call the constable.

yall gnome sain? Ah DONT.

Iz juss like trayna talk wfout opnin ma mouf cause too LAZY ... uh huh.

Gots a lotta dem 3rd person verbs all missed up FO SHO.

An he was all like in ma face and she wuz all like Y U DO DAT? I tells dat BYOTCH 

[insert a putrid stream of ghetto profanity here: ]

Yes -
so here you might want to work up a sort of "Thug in Lockdown on Deathrow for assaulting a knitting instructor" persona here - or maybe we should go with a drunken promiscuous designer-clad taxi-trash type heroine being relentlessly pursued by paparrazi...

Or maybe a Calvinist punk-rock band screaming about predestinating grace over 4 chord changes... wait just a second - the food is here ;
No - she ordered the Kung-pao chicken, that goes there but the Scorpion Bowl is mine. Yes here. Thanks. Excuse me sir - yes, the little paper parasol yes I want that too.

The Anonymous Disco Diva of Empyrean Epiphanies, the Queen of Spades and the Mother of Kushite Soul-Mamas placed the black box here after it was taken from the depths where the wreckage of the plane was found by sonar in the Indian Ocean ...