I've been thinking long and hard about my spirituality lately. I'd believed myself a Christian up until adolescence. With the death of my grandfather, I began to believe that there could be no God, because there was no way someone with that power could be so cruel to take someone like my grandfather away from me. From then on, I became an atheist.

Now, years later, I am beginning to rethink my faith. I just feel so lost, and I need someone to turn to. Is God the answer? Is Jesus the answer? I am so scared that they have turned their backs on me, because I did the same to them. It doesn't help that I am a homosexual either. What if they view what I am as a sin, and...

I'm so scared. I want a baptism, but what if Jesus doesn't want me?