Back! So yeah. I tore up the letter. I thought they thought i was a mental case, which i'm not! But apparently they just deal with everything and anything. So i guess i felt better after that. Then i got another letter about a week ago saying that i have until the 26th to contact the clinic. They gave me a number, but i tore that up too. Now though i'm starting to regret that i tore it up. I still have two days i guess... But at the moment, i have a couple of bigger problems! My anxiety has gotten out of control. A couple of nights ago, i knew i was going somewhere the next day, i had this huge anxiety attack ALL NIGHT! I only got like 10 or 15 minutes sleep. It sucked :( so i need to go there to get that in control more than anything right now. My eating has gone a bit haywire. I'm just overeating now, i can't seem to stop. Lately i've been having thoughts of wanting to make myself sick. What do i get sorted out first? My anxiety or my eating! Anyway, that's just a teeny bit of what's been up. On the good side, i got me a little job! Mum bumped into a friend of ours and she's said i could help her twin boys with their homework and babysit them too. And i'm getting paid for it. Mum never thought i could be trusted at first, i guess she's right though but she always says that. Today though i helped clean the house and do some bits and pieces. It's been pretty eventful. I even tried a butter toffee cookie? Smelt like shit, but it wasn't half yummy! But yeah. It's awesome that i'm doing this this time of year. Its mum's birthday soon and i can get her something nice with the money i make :) plus some special treats for myself! Like chocolate! Haha kidding. But yeah. I won't fill you in on everything coz i'm gonna sound such a bore. Not that i already do lol. Never mind :)

Oh gosh, so much has happened since i last wrote! I've lost more weight, i've been to hospital, i've cried tons, etc. I don't have too much time now to catch up on everything. I'm on my mate's laptop as my phone can sometimes bug up on me. But yeah it's been a ride. The blood test results came back great. Everything's working fine. Well, i'm a little low on Vitamin D but hey, who from England has great Vit D huh? The doctor prescribed me with Vitamin D tablets. Then he started talking to mum about my eating problem. I come clean: I have an eating disorder. I'm not proud of it but i'm not ashamed to admit it anymore. The last 10 years of my life have been hell. A couple of months ago i lost 14lbs in a week. A couple of weeks ago i lost 7lbs in a DAY. Crazy, strange, insane, you decide. But anyone out there with any eating disorder will know where i come from. Anyway, the doctor asked me if i wanted to be referred to a clinic to help me. From the go, i'll be honest, i wasn't going to get any help as i was scared that once they figure out the mess my head is in after the life i've had at home that they would put in a hospital. He referred me anyway so i had no choice in the matter. A few weeks later i'd just got home after a weekend sleepover at my mate's place and i got a letter. All i saw was "West London Mental Health Trust" and i tore it up. I freaked out and i knew that everything that i'd felt before that i wasn't sure of was true. Crap, I gotta go so i'll finish this off whenever i come back. Good to be back peeps! I've missed you guys! xx