born from the same pool
separated at birth
reunited, but not meant for this earth
black swan, white swan
i'd kill orion
every
single
day
to appease your pride
or to settle our score
but that's probably all i'm worth

what you knew of me then is not me now
imprints of violence changed me somehow
this shit is trite but it's all i've got
my mind is fucking shot
and that's on them
let me drown in the fucking fen
unstable ground, delusion sucks me in

do you see only what you want to see?  
what you seek, i'm afraid isn't me
but the PTSD comes with it for free
would you like some toxicity?
ms. sexton ain't got nothin' on me

solitude has turned me bitter:
too much of a cure is fatality
its sodden weight snuffed out my spark
can't even sulk and write in the dark
thought disorder
shell and mortar
explode, explode, explode
collapse and scatter these ashes
none of these bright flashes
originate from me
 

alone enough to know
nothing will fix
what's wrong with me
but death
or therapy.
an exceedingly costly remedy,
and to what end?
my sickness and i have camaraderie    
then, inevitably, antipathy
can you cleanse me?


i don't want to admit that i need to be saved
is that what you need from me?


you'd end up hating me

i'd have nothing but fever-dreamed memories,

the belief that i once meant something to someone,

and no future.

just eternity



the less complicated "solution" is not fitting, is unsatisfactory.
it holds space,
keeps me safe
from the fear i'll destroy
the last thing that matters to me

i never pretended otherwise, and i hope that you see  
that the deed was done
with the thought you'd be better without me

on the chance you could be happy


i am poison.
are you immune to me?



or would we run together like mercury?