So I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been trying to be good, trying to be mindful, trying not to bother you, trying not to be a messy complication in your life

Trying also, unnaturally, to force my attraction to you to be more mental and less physical because for some reason that seems less transgressive to me

But watching you dripping with sweat along with the rest of us in that strange fishbowl-aquarium-terrarium and observing the way you hold your guitar and how your body moves when you sing,

I was reminded of what I had put away

And I wanted to wrap my arms around you and feel your heat

Even though I was already staggering under the oppressive weight of stillness and the tension in the air

(some pleasant, some unpleasant)

and the unbearable closeness of the room

And I wanted you to be too much to handle, to take me down with the lightest of touches, to fall with you into the grass

Or at least talk to me

I suppose there is always time

But last night felt like nothing else mattered

So it was probably for the best that you kept yourself busy