artemisagrotera's Journal

  • 10 Entries
  • Archives for January 2012

  • blah blah fucking blah

    by artemisagrotera on January 23, 2012
    jesus christ... So I pretty much just said "When I get drunk, I just get an overinflated sense of my own desirability and spout a bunch of nonsensical crap in a semi-public forum." So anyway, I was thinking of you, but for christ's sake I really need to learn to put the phone away when I'm drunk, especially at a time when I had hoped to see you, but didn't, and was for that reason disappointed and missing you. This is getting old fast, for both of us, I'm sure. But yeah, I was thinking about you when it was so windy that I could hear all the trees around me, and I did want you next to me. You can ignore the part where I beg you, because we both know that is probably never going to happen, at least not face-to-face, unless it is in heavily coded language. And once again, here's something else I've said too many times-- I really do feel all those things but it seems like a really fucking stupid idea to elaborate upon them in a space where you might run across them. fuck.
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  • When the wind blows like this

    by artemisagrotera on January 23, 2012
    I just want to hold you until you finally feel me and can't resist me any longer. I want you to feel the tension of having to choose. And I want to feel the moment you give in. Are you sure this is what you want? Because I'm about to beg you for it. Please don't leave me on my knees pleading for you to touch me. I just want to kiss and hold you. For hours.
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  • Dumb

    by artemisagrotera on January 20, 2012

    Mute?
    Courted, seduced (my own fault,I know!)
    Pinned but not mounted
    Weary of waiting,
    but unwilling to endure another surprise
    earned by making plans
    undiscovered,
    never executed,
    no intent to implement.

    My mind isn't even mine anymore.

    Punish the "whore"

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  • who?

    by artemisagrotera on January 20, 2012

    nobody.

    NOBODY.

    NOBODY NOBODY NOBODY

    N O B O D YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

     

    And that is the problem

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  • I think I might need to revise my theories on time travel

    by artemisagrotera on January 20, 2012

    because that didn't work at all. If I try to go about my business and ignore this, half-heartedly hoping it dies (as a normal, rational adult probably should), I'm miserable. If I create this fog of conjecture and coincidence and pretend things you do are intentionally ambiguous so that I may find hidden meaning if I choose to read it a certain way (as a non-rational, mentally unstable person might), I am also miserable, but occasionally insanely manic-happy, as if I were watching all the patterns in the universe laying themselves out for me and I see you two miles away and smile at you and know you feel it. Sounds pretty bipolar to me. But I'd rather deal with the fallout from those bright flashes than face utter darkness unmitigated.

    I used to be quite capable of walking right around the edge of that pit, looking into it casually, and finding amusement in the futility and desperation I saw in my shadow. I guess I fucked around too many times and my luck ran out, because now I'm right down in it, and it's harder to get out than I anticipated. I guess I'm at an impasse because I've essentially been repeating myself for months now. I don't know what else to do.

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  • remedial

    by artemisagrotera on January 12, 2012
    I'll have to banish that part of me send her back to before she knew and when they're through with what they do she may no longer remember you *** (Ha! I wish it were that easy.) (Please only give this the 5 minutes' thought I put into it)
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  • I wish I could remember

    by artemisagrotera on January 10, 2012

    how to keep this part of myself under control so you would stop running away from me
    I thought I was being a pretty good girl last night until you disappeared
    then I got angry
    angry is what makes the predatory animal come out
    and I can't tell if you love it
    or hate it
    or both

    or if you never noticed and are truly indifferent, and just wish this crazy girl would stop pouring her thoughts all over you because it's distracting and sort of suffocating
    but I like to be drowned sometimes
    so I never know if you want it
    or not

    or if you just don't know either

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  • Hmmm.

    by artemisagrotera on January 10, 2012
    Not even two hours later, I know very well that was my id speaking. Yes, it's under there, but that really isn't the best way to present those sentiments. It's all true, though
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  • I just want

    by artemisagrotera on January 10, 2012
    to fuck whatever problem it is that you have right out of you. How difficult is that to resolve? Just accept my gift. It's what I know how to do. I wish you would just let me give you what you need. Look at the others I've "fixed;" they don't seem too bad off, now do they? If you think that you're a challenge, look at what I'm dealing with now and compare. A pretty similar amount of effort is required. I only do this shit for people that I truly and deeply love. Please just accept what I have to give you. Take it. I think you might enjoy it, unless you continue to choose to refuse to be placated by anything anyone ever offers you.
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  • yes, more of that

    by artemisagrotera on January 08, 2012
    is what i need please
    1 Comment