I have to say how happy I am that The Civil Wars are finally getting the recognition they're due. I've been a great admirer of their music for years and finally now they're getting Grammy's and film soundtrack slots and everything! Twiddelly dee, twiddely dum. I feel priveleged to be one of their original fans, though i doubt it means anything special. It just makes me feel happy, that's all. =)

...It's like watching myself from the oustide, seeing myself set everything that made me happy ablaze. I know why I have to end this, but I just keep cracking and cracking and the pain is starting to wear me down. Lying in this bed with these covers and knowing that you're sleeping in some strange bed miles away doesn't help at all. With every day that passes, I chip a little more. And I wish you'd respond when I say how much I fucking love you.

That man is truly talented. YouTube him!

Private journals annoy me. They get you all hopeful of reading an interesting tidbit on someone's life and then get flatly refused. Talk about dissapointment... I feel insecure about the smell in my room right now. It stinks of stagnant clean laundry. Stop Joseph Kony, watch Kony 2012 on YouTube. My voice has stopped doing natural vibrato for some reason. What on earth!? I sound all flat now. I have no idea what i'm doing differently. Beards are fucking gorgeous.

Happy leap year day!!

....for a camera. And I mean a proper camera; a good one with a big fat lens and amazing zoom features. And black, too. I hate tiny silver Canon cameras.

the face in the water looks up, as if to say that the blue girls have all gone away... sail away, away ripples never come back.

Did you know in ancient china, jade was considered to be the dried semen of the celestial dragons? The stuff i learn while researching for biology assignments, wow. Fertility studies, to be exact. The Chinese really liked semen I guess.

It doesn't help that my friend committed suicide this week.

okay, let me rephrase that. Is ANYONE under the age of 20 capable of love?? And I mean real love, not the sappy temporal affection that permeates most teenage relationships. I mean the love that actually lasts, that puts the other person's happiness before one's own. Why does everyone have so much fucking baggage? Why does everyone have so many trust issues, and why do they all think they are incapable of love?? I'm of the opinion that most anyone can love deeply. If they feel they can't, there must be something stopping them from loving freely. And you'd think the general idea would be to then find out the issue that's making them incapable of love and try to fix it. If it's something that's happened to them in the past, or a weird side to their character, they can at least try to work through it. But no, people take one look, then turn around and say, "I'm sorry, but I'm fucked. I just can't love." Maybe i'm too optimistic, but WHAT BULLSHIT. Get a fucking perspective. NOT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD IS EVIL. And still, even the evil people can be loved. I would know. Ah, shite. I'm just too obsessed with complete obsession. I'm too taken with positivity and beauty through pain. I'm in love with imperfection, because you know what? It's perfect to me. Now if only everybody else was as unconditional.... (Not to be all proud or anything, but i guess the real title to this rant should be, "Is anyone really capable of love, the way I am?")