It's been a strange year. A long year, so long that last December seems miles behind a bend in the road where things can't be seen, but the bare nuances of those moments are still ringing quietly in the air. Again, I have gone through so much since 2011 ended. Everything and everyone has changed. Last year around this time I was visiting Ireland, pining for my friend who had been so close to me for 6 years before we got together in November. It was an amazing time. December-January was crazy beautiful for our relationship. When I got back from Ireland after my aunt passed away, I started to realise how very much I loved him and how special he really was. It scared me, I think. We were both unsure of things, both too close for comfort and yet we wanted so much more. And then he had to leave this city, this goddamn city that used to be a haven for me. I realised that it was only a wonderful city because of the wonderful people that lived in it - flawed people, imperfect people, but mad, beautiful people that I loved and still love. Then my other good friend left this city. Then everyone was committing suicide, and all I had was my best friend and it's been like that since late February.

I also went to Australia in November. Graduated. Went to formal, went to schoolies. Had the bloody time of my life, and grew close to an amazing guy there. I was sure I'd fallen in love with him by the time I waved goodbye to him at the airport. But then I come back here and I find out that last year's love now has another girlfriend. Facebook fills up with pictures of them being sickening and that's all I ever see of him, because he never talks to me anymore. And then I start to wonder and keep wondering, and my synapses are just firing out of control now and I know I shouldn't be feeling uneasy but I am, because all I have are skewed perceptions. I miss that boy in Australia like hell and I feel like we were made for each other, but goddamn I start thinking everybody's so far away from me; everyone in my life has come and gone and gone a little more than come. And I let myself care, I don't hold back at all now because it's better to have loved and lost then to have never experienced anything at all, and I know it's right and that I should just soldier on but God please make it stop this next year. Please let me be somewhere with someone I love for more than six months. Please, please, please let me keep my current friendships through any kind of distance, please. I promise to never stagnate if you could just let my equilibrium rest for a while.

You see, this is the trouble with having no true home. But I will survive it all, and I won't grow crusty and cynical with the world, not even to fool people into taking me more seriously, not even to hide the dreamer in me. Let 2013 roll, let the good times roll, let me be all that I can be this next year as I wave goodbye to the lives and loves of 2012.

Australia is way too gorgeous to leave this Saturday. (and so is he)