Hmm... I am bored... I think. I always tell everyone I'm bored or tired, but I don't think that quite how I feel. I think I'm just looking for something more to life. I'm looking for some kind of meaning, I guess. It is a sad feeling really, just going through everyday wanting to look forward to tommorow, but not really having anything to look forward to. But it is easier to say I'm bored, so I will leave it at that. Meh.

Oh how I wish so many things were different. I wish there was a way to see clearly through all of the deception, leaving the tears that now blur my eyes from the harsh light of reality behind. I wish I could feel what it is I am searching for, leaving the pain that jabs me in the heart far behind so that my feeling is no longer numb. I wish there was a way I could experience you, not feeling the penetrating cold of knowing you are not here at all, even when you are right next to me. If only I could see the truth, feel more than pain, and experience your warmth. Oh how I wish...

From across the room our eyes meet. There is something in those eyes that pierces right though my soul, uncovering my truths and uncertainties. I feel a pleading urge to keep this stare for more time, if only a few seconds more. But those eyes turn away from mine, and I am left in the darkness of their absence, feeling the thoughts of uncertainty and truth burdened upon me with intense power. I am alone. And nothing will change that now, because after one first glance, I can no longer look away.

My mind is once again transfixed on you, the one person that I know can make me feel more alive than ever I could alone. I would like to think that our minds are racing at the same speed and that our hearts are keeping time to the same lovely tune, but I know this not to be the case. Right now, your heart is beating with the music of someone else’s, and, although I may pass through your thoughts, I am no more than any ordinary person in your mind. But in my mind, you mean more than anything right now. And my heart is racing to keep up with the music that I can faintly hear in the distance. But I may never catch up to the music, to that sad, sad tune of love. And our minds may never be transfixed on each other, as I so crave then to be, now more than ever.

I wish acceptance is an easy task. But you won't let it be. You won't accept me. I often wonder who you want me to be. What you want me to be. Or do you just not want me to be me because of myself? I cant answer these questions, and I dare not ask you... Because I am close to your acceptance, and that is no easy task.