Life is okay. I'm kinda in a weird mood right now, somewhere betwwen an emotional breakdown and extreme happiness. I can't wait for the zombie apocolypse to happen, just so that things will change a lil bit. Until it does though, I'll be listening to music, enjoying the moments I have with my loved ones before the zombie strain hits this area. I believe the strain will be here sooner than most of us think. There have been more outbreaks, of course off the records all around the country. The government is doing what they can to try to contain it, but their efforts are useless. Soon, the zombie strain will be an epedemic. And I'll be ready with my shotgun XD

Last night was bad. Long story short, I have bad grades which made my mom freak out, getting my dad upset aswell. My dad told me he loves me because I am his son, but neither he or my mom like me. And if I don't improve the way I act, then he will send me to a military school just so that they can not be stressed by how terrible I am. I know he wouldn't send me to a military school, and considering he checked on me every half hour last night, I know he does care about me and wants me home... But I can't help but feel like I'm not wanted. I can't even remeber the last time he was there for me when I thought it was important, or the last time I felt I could talk to him about anything... The night ended for me with tears as I closed my eyes waiting for sleep...

When will this sweet music that I embrace end? When will this melody that has always played fade away into nothing? When will this record that plays the song of my life turn to dust as if it never existed? I know not how the music will continue on, and I know not the length of this album. But I will enjoy the music as long as it lasts. I will cherish this record as long as it is still here to play for me. I know there will be scratches that ruin some songs, but that is the way of it, and I will enjoy it anyway. And though I may tire of the same old music, I will always love it. Because if I don't, no one will.

So, life is going as it should I guess... But it is hard about right now. I am stuck somewhere between wanting to hide in the past while I run from the past, and looking to the future with hope, but then turning away with fear. So I am completely stuck in the present. And I don't really like it here. There is so much fear, so much pain, so much uncertainty and no security. I am conflicted with thoughts, and even stronger feelings, that do not work together, and I am lost.

Hmm... I am bored... I think. I always tell everyone I'm bored or tired, but I don't think that quite how I feel. I think I'm just looking for something more to life. I'm looking for some kind of meaning, I guess. It is a sad feeling really, just going through everyday wanting to look forward to tommorow, but not really having anything to look forward to. But it is easier to say I'm bored, so I will leave it at that. Meh.

Oh how I wish so many things were different. I wish there was a way to see clearly through all of the deception, leaving the tears that now blur my eyes from the harsh light of reality behind. I wish I could feel what it is I am searching for, leaving the pain that jabs me in the heart far behind so that my feeling is no longer numb. I wish there was a way I could experience you, not feeling the penetrating cold of knowing you are not here at all, even when you are right next to me. If only I could see the truth, feel more than pain, and experience your warmth. Oh how I wish...

From across the room our eyes meet. There is something in those eyes that pierces right though my soul, uncovering my truths and uncertainties. I feel a pleading urge to keep this stare for more time, if only a few seconds more. But those eyes turn away from mine, and I am left in the darkness of their absence, feeling the thoughts of uncertainty and truth burdened upon me with intense power. I am alone. And nothing will change that now, because after one first glance, I can no longer look away.

My mind is once again transfixed on you, the one person that I know can make me feel more alive than ever I could alone. I would like to think that our minds are racing at the same speed and that our hearts are keeping time to the same lovely tune, but I know this not to be the case. Right now, your heart is beating with the music of someone else’s, and, although I may pass through your thoughts, I am no more than any ordinary person in your mind. But in my mind, you mean more than anything right now. And my heart is racing to keep up with the music that I can faintly hear in the distance. But I may never catch up to the music, to that sad, sad tune of love. And our minds may never be transfixed on each other, as I so crave then to be, now more than ever.

I wish acceptance is an easy task. But you won't let it be. You won't accept me. I often wonder who you want me to be. What you want me to be. Or do you just not want me to be me because of myself? I cant answer these questions, and I dare not ask you... Because I am close to your acceptance, and that is no easy task.