Okay, so everything had been going very well for me today, until I got home from the barmi (now). Let me start from the begining. Okay, so my parents woke me up bevcause I had to go to my friend's shul service for his barmi. I really didn't want to go but by the time that it finihes, I didn't know what I was so worried about. It wasn't as bad as I though it would be. Anyway, after the barmi we went home to get changed and then we went to Canal Walk, and there were actually a lot of sales on. I bought a new dress and I have decided to wear it to Kayla's batti. It's really cool. This was about the time I started to get suspicious once again about why everythign good was happening to me, and ever since yesterdy ( two days ago technically) I have just been waiting for something bad to happen to me. Anyway, after Canal walk we had to go to Hout Bay because we had to go visit some of my mom and dads old friends, and there were these people that were cool (they were American) and it was next to the beach and it was all good and stuff. Then we left and I had to start getting ready for the barmi, so taht's what I did and stuff. When I got there there were hardly any people. I mean, I didn't have a bad time but it was pretty lame. Although I did speak to Noam again, whcih was cool. It was quite a funny barmi, I had a lot of fun. Then I got home, thinking everything was going to be okay, but that is when the bad things sarted happening. You see, my granny had a back operation so she can't bend down or anything, and she has to lie straight and stuff. So my mom walks into her room to check on her, and she starts screaming things like "what the f*** are you doing??" which was when I found out that my granny had been on her bathrom floor, just lying there. I knew something bad would happen, I just didn't think it would be as scarring as this. I mean, apparently she had been drinking a lot, and when my mo and dad were helping her to stand up, she was crying and everyone was shouting. Well, only my mom and dad, because nmy sisters are asleep. Honestly, I just... I don't even know what to think. This would never had happened if he hadn't moved here, Nan was fine before we came into her lives permanently. I just... I feel like... URGH I don't know. I can't believe that this has just happened though. I don't think anybody has found out yet how long she had been lying there for. I think I'm just going to burst into tears any second now. (sigh) I best be off now, my parents are gonna get angry. Tomorrow is probably going to suck. Well, bye.

Well, I have to go to this shul service tomorrow because he is a family friend and it's gonna be so boring! Well, today went so much better than the last time I write. We got to wear civvies today, and everything was great. Hebrew was great because we got a completely free lesson, she listterally left us in the classroom by ourselves. It was so cool. I spoke to Jayson raw. quite a lot today, which was cool. It was a bit annoying after school though because while Iw as walking down with my sister, JJ (let's just call him taht) was just being annoying and like tagging along with me and my sister. He just annoys me sometimes. He needs to know when to give me some space. I found out that Johnathans band is doing quite well. Well, they have a new drummer (Dylan) but they haven't told Josh sh. yet that he is out of the band. Anyway they were in the highschool practicing and they got offered to like, be on TV or something. *rolls eyes* good for them. Yes, I'm a bit envious. I just hate how they are all so much mroe talented than me. I mean, I seriously suck, and I am so bad at playing guitar it's nto even funny. Anyway, I found out a few days aho that Gen and J are going out. Don't really know what to think. I just think it's very sad that I am so unlikable. On the bright side, that Jarret guy from Josh P.'s bari started talking to me on Facebook today, and he was like: "Do you remember me??" Me: "Yeahh :)" Him: "Cool that just made my day :)" Heehee :) Anyway, I finished Kayla's speech today. Whcih reminds me, SS is talking to me more as well, which is cool :) Honestly I though I was going to have a lot to say because my day went so well... But honestly I don't have much to say. Hmm.... Okay well, I don't have anything to say now so... Bye.

My mom is being the most annoying thing you ever did see. Everyone is ust annoying me! It's like I am unable to have a conversation with someone without them completely ruining the conversation in some way or another. URGH! And to top it all off I have to wear that stupid netball dress tomorrow, and I'm going to look like a retard, and everyone is going to laugh and see my ugly legs and I will have to tie my hair up in a high ponytail which will make me look like a complete idiot. You know, I have found myself to be someone nobody likes, and I'm actually very ugly. It's just unfair that everyone else gets to be so happy, and so pretty, and so liked by everyone, and I'm stuck with a crappy mom and a crapy older sister and two other siblings that I'm not a huge fan of either. School is no help either, nobody speaks to me volentarily and those that do are the oens I speak to every day. I'm getting sick of speaking to the same people every break. I have no choice though because the otehr people are smart enough to stay away from me. Not even my music is helping me. And I will tell you one thing, my days wouldnt be as average if I was doing art instead of drama. I now have no subjects that I enjoy. I am just so angry at everything! I AM SO ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what to do, I really don't know what to do. I would sit by myslef, but there is no place I can sit where no teachers would see me. URGH!

Well, today was great until I got home (obviously). It was Kayla's birthday today and everything was special for her and stuff. I got her these cupcakes that are rainbow coloured inside and tehy taste really good. It was great because we swapped lockers for the whole of today and it was perfect because she has the awesome people by her lockers and my lockers suck! She probably wanted to be there because Talya and Dean are there. It would be so great if we swapped again tomorrow. Anyway, school today went surprisingly well. And then after school I went to kayla along with Jayson Raw. , Sidne, Gina, Storme, Isabel, Josh sh. and Dean. We went to Hudsons, that great burger place. It was amazing. Then we went back to Kayla and all the boys had to leave really soon so it was just left with us girls. It was so fun and funny at first, but then they all started putting on dresses and trying on Kaylas clothes and stuff which was when I was just sitting by myself. I don't belong with girls like them. I'm not one of those cool besties. It's okay though. Anyway, after that I got home and everything was good except my dad and I were having an argument about whether I should go to hip-hop or not because there was a stupid netball match. I want to go to hip-hop. Everyone is being so annoying. Then i found out that somebody ate my cupcake, which is when I was a little angry but soon got over it. I then found out that Ruth and Emily had made some of them without me (which made me a little angry again) and they didn't make them nicely. So Talya then asks if I can bring her one of the cupcakes tomorrow at school, and I thought that it would be cool if I did because, well she is one of those cool ones, and maybe she would see me as someone not so irritating and annoying so I said yes. So I then tasted those terrible ones and they were gross. I then went to shower and when I got out, I asked my mom if we could maybe bake some more. She was fine with it and then when Emily got home, she started commenting on how late it was and stuff. Then Ruth strated joining in on the commenting. Then my mom decides that we shouldn't make cupcakes and taht was when I got really angry. (sigh) I just want to be liked by one of the girls that are not from Highlands. It doesn't matter though, I just have to deal with what I have. Well, I didn't get to watch That 70's show tonight which sucks, and I have a very strong feeling that tomorrow is going to be very horrible! It will suck!!! I just... (sigh) I want my days to stop sucking. To top it all off, I have been forced to sleep out this saturday. Just great. I best be off, I don't want to keep my non-existent chats on bbm waiting.

Okay well yesterday (this morning because it was actually 1:00AM) I was having this really nice conversation with David Her. about boyfriends and girlfriends. It really was a great conversation, but he ruined it by randomly logging off in the middle of it. Anyway, before I had that conversation, I had a different one with DB and it was also a great conversation. I made a prediction and I was unfortunately right. (sigh). Anyway, after the conversation with David, I had this dream when I went to sleep. Here it was: Okay, so my dream last night was pretty epic, lots of different things happened. What I am here to now talk to you about (in my dream) is when I was speaking to SS. You see, my friends and I were going to go to the movies together, and then (I don’t quite remember what we were doing) SS asks me something that completely gave me butterflies in the stomach. He asked me: “After the movies, do you maybe want to go get some ice-cream.” I knew he was only talking to me because, well, he was only facing me and it was my dream :P Anyway, all I remember after that is us talking a lot and somewhere in this dream our next door neighbours had a bunch of cows in their yard, and then we were somewhere and this horse was the tree and people were trying to get it out by dancing, and some where in between I was some sort of person like the Charlies Angels… It was very very weird. Anyway, all I know is that I had a lot of fun talking to SS in there. I don't know what to think of people anymore... Everything just confuses me... Anyway, tomorrow I am going away for three days, and I just hope that it is fun and that my camera works. Well, I went to see Harry Potter 7 Part 2 today with some friends, it was a lot of fun. It was an epic movie, I really enjoyed it. Anywho, I don't have much else to say now, so I best be off. Good bye.

I have taken quite a liking to the band the Ramones. Well, really just the song My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down (Bonzo Goes To Bitburg). I got so interested in it i decided to do a little research on what the song was actually about. I alwyas thought that the Ramones were just one of those punk rock bands that gave a crap but expressed it in crappy music, but I have been proved wrong. I always did only like the song (Bonzo Goes To Bitburg) but I have recently found out that there are quite a few otehr songs that are good by the Ramones. Anyway, so the song Bonzo Goes To Bitburg was really all about how the band was against Nazism (if that is the correct word) and that is really what got me more interested in this band. They sure are rock legends. Anywho, I still have a lot of work to do. My plan didn't go out so well aobut doing all the work in the second week, because it is now Sunday (it was saturday an hour ago) and today I'm going to be at the theme park... I just really have to catch up in the third week. I really did ttry to do it this week, but I didn't understand what to do and whenevver I asked for help my friends said that they were busy or something. It was actually very annoying. Anyway... I have been quite confused lately, about a lot of things. (sigh) It's not even worth worryinAnywho, I watched Shutter Island. It was actually very good, I really enjoyed it... Well, I best be off, I should probably go to bed now. Night.

Well it's Emily's birthday today, and my parents woke me up at 9:00! We opened up the presents and stuff, and my parents always get the other two sisters a present as well on one of our birthdays. I was really hoping for something better, but I got a lousy beanie that looks bulky on the sides (which is really ugly) becasue it has speakers in them. (sigh). Well, the good think is that I went back to sleep and then woke up again at around 11:00. Well, anyway,w e went to lunch, but I wasn't too hungry. So Li-Or phones me, and she says that she wants to move our arrangement earlier! It was originally at 1:30, but then she asked to move it to 11:15! I don't really want to go, but hey, she has been asking me for a while. Whatever, I will just have to deal with it. I guess it's fine, I will just have to wake up 15 minutes earlier than usual, who know, I might even already be awake. I still have my work to do, which sure does suck, but hey, I still have time... Right? Anywho, I don't have much to say, nothing interesting has really happened. Well, nothing that I feel like explaining.

Okay, well today wasn't so bad. I'm really feeeling a lot better about this whole @Dad telling Emily@ thing, I mean, I was really upster, but you get over things. I didn't think I would get over it this quickly, but I am. Anyway, so I went to the movies today, and the people taht were there were Sidne, DP, Chad P, Dean, Kayla, and Dylan. Of course I got stuck sitting next to Dylan. I really dislike him, he just annoys me to death. Anyway, so I was sitting next to Dylan and Chad. This is how it went. We were plannign to get into Bridesmais (which was rated 16) but they wouldn't let us in, so then we didn't know what else to see, and we randomly picked The Resident (not knowing what it was about). Anyway, so a few seconds into the movie, I decided to look up what it was about on my Blackberry, and I found out that it was a horror/drama/thriller. I told everyone about it but we all just wanted to try it out. I got pretty scared so I was just playing games on my phone. Then, halfway through, me, Dylan, Dean and Kayla decided that we didn't want to watch anymore, so we just left and walked around and got some ice cream and stuff. Anyway, then we went back to meet up with the other three and (thankfullay Dylan had left by this time) we all just walked around together and stuff. It was pretty cool, I mean, it was okay, not the best. I guess I had fun though. Anyway, so I got back at about 5:30 and I was just relaxing and stuff. I had a conversation with SS on the phone. Then I had quite a long conversation with Brendan on the phone. And ya, so that was pretty much my day. I woke up really nice and late this morning, it was great. I was thinking about what Isabels and her mom was telling me, and I realised that I make up the time in the morning by going to sleep really late. So I'm actually not wasting any time of my life. I too spend it on th computer. Anywho, I don't have much else to say now, so I best be off. Bye.

Well, my dream that I had last night was weird. It involved Sam S. He will be known now as SS. ANyway, when it made me feel more like I just want my first kiss. Maybe it was the fact that I had really wanted it last month, but it didn't happen. Oh well, at least I had an almost first kiss in my dream. Close enough I guess... Anyway, when I woke up this morning I was really just depressed. I hadn't wanted to even walk out of my room because I just didn't know hwo I was ever going to face everyone. You see, I wasn't angry at my dad for looking at my private stuff. Well, I was angry but I knew it would only last a few moments. Then, Emily told me she knew what I wrote. That is what really got me. It is one thing to look through my things, but then to show my older sister? I mean, there was stuff about her in there too. That was what made me unable to walk outside of my room, the fact taht there were two people there who knew. I never thought that it would come to this, but I am really disliking my dad right now. If only he hadn't told Emily... I have never had anything like this happen to me before. I have never been so humiliated that I didn't even want to get out of bed at all because I was so embarrased. I can't believe my own father would do taht to me. I havn't been able to look anybody in the eye this whole day. I feel so awkward when I am around my dad and Emily, and my mom. I only feel comfortable when |I'm around Ruth and Nan. I have just been feeling really depressed today. I just don't want to be around any of my family members. (sigh) I have never experienced this amount of embarrasent before, and the fact taht my dad has bestowed it upon me is even worse. After I found out last night that Emily knew, I just lay in bed, listening to music non stop for about an hour. Doing nothing. I didn't even think of anything that had happened, I just focused on the music. I guess that is why I actually managed not to cry that night, because I was just putting all of my attention towards the songs taht were playing on my ipod. Thanks G-d for music. Other than being depressed, nothing much happened today. I guess I feel better now about it all, I mean, I sort of warmed up to people again since we started watching a movie about an hour ago. (sigh). Whatever, I just need to relax. I still have my Hebrew thing to do, ut I have decided that I will rather do my work in the second week of the holidays. That way I have the third week to just relax and stuff. Well, I don't have much else to say, except for the fact that I am still shutting down all of my emotions. I don't even put any faces on my statuses on my phone because I think it just shows too much emotioin. I just have to remember. I don't care anymore.