I am rarely ever satisfied with my work. I write a song or a story or a poem and think it's pretty good. The next day, I can't stand it. I have visions of success and the life I would love to have yet I am terrified it'll never actually happen. I'm in a band. I really enjoyed writing the songs and getting others to join me. Now, I feel like I want to do a different sound. Problem? I can't play the any of the music I want to. Stylistically, it's too difficult. Genre-wise, my mind only really works in a few areas when it comes to guitar. I hope I end up somewhere content. I'm tired. This is nonsense.

You people try so hard to be cool. Hip in the out crowd. Fuck, it's goddamn irritating. Just please stop it. Seriously. Stop it.

The animosity I feel towards some is justified. Though, me not feeling that towards others is strange. My head hurts. My mind doesn't work. These are strange days, my friend. Strange days, indeed.

I've been having what would be considered nightmares a lot lately and it may be sick but I am enjoying them. I adore horror films/stories and these dreams I'm having are just thrilling and inspirational to me in my own writing. Nothing too dark though. Last night's had a fun ending. Two nights ago was a pretty eerie one and left me with a haunting image that I hope to incorporate in to my work. I guess that's all. Nothing to exciting but just wanted to get the thoughts out of my mind. Cheers.

There's a really cool girl that's interested in me. That should be exciting but for me, it's stressful. I have no idea if I want a relationship right now and if I were to pursue one, how long would it take before she realizes how boring I am? My charm wears away quite quickly on most people. I don't know. I'm just going with the flow. I'm really trying to better myself but I have no idea how to do that. I was getting so much better about my dislike toward people and now it feels like I'm right back where I started. I need to work on embracing the good and growing from the bad. I'll mature to that state eventually, I guess. I hope.

Shut the fuck up about pizza. Shut the fuck up about cats. Shut the fuck up about how awkward you are. Shut the fuck up about your bullshit causes that you're blindly following. Shut the fuck up and stop trying to be so goddamn trendy. Do me a favor and please just shut the fuck up.

As these days drag on, I realize how much I live in my mind. I live in a lavish, cruel, and cynical and at times fantastical vision of the world. I have intricate and meaningful conversations with myself that no human being could ever understand. I see a beautiful life laid out ahead of me that I'm terrified of not achieving. I smile a lot there. People like me a lot there. I like people a lot there. Unlike this place. Unlike this house. Unlike that fuck. This smoke and mirrors charade is growing old. I see a gorgeous girl that loves only me. I guess I live to dream. Can dreams ever be a reality?

I've been thinking this for a while. I truly believe, to the point that I'd argue it as fact, that my friends wouldn't stick up for me if someone was talking shit. I love them to death but they're cowards. There are mutual friends of ours who I do not get along with. I keep my mouth shut but it's known we don't get along. The others talk shit about me all the time. At this point, I assume they just go with it as to not step on anyone's toes. Well, you've stepped on mine. Fuck. I'm stressed right now and ranting. Apologizes.

I'm not pining over anyone and it feels good. That slight burst of a crush, I now know, was due to loneliness. Am I still interested? Am I still attracted? Yes but not exclusively anymore and that's kind of a relief. I'm a strange being longing for grand things, writing words I hardly ever speak. We all live to die and knowing that trivial nonsense is nothing to concern myself with is comforting. I want to love. I want to be loved. I want that cheesy, sickening, head over heels cinema love. I want to melt with a single look. One day. I know that one day, I'll experience that. Hopefully. And if not, then let it be not.