You're not deep. You're not trendy. You're not unique. You're not different. You're not above the crowd. You're not better than others. You are fake. You do change around others. You are starved for acceptance. You are smart. You do think you're smarter than others. You do not think you're friends are smart. They can barely spell. Sleep well. Sleep well.

The feeling is gone. I have officially taught myself how to not care. I hate it. I can't feel anything from anyone anymore. There's no spark. There's no "awe" moment. I'm just there. She's just there. We sit a little closer. Still, nothing. She bites her lower lip. Nothing. Things like that used to drive me crazy. Nothing. We make out. Nothing. It's just another activity. For so long I wanted to not care and just be able to do what I'm doing now. I made a mistake. I wish I was who I was. I want to be who I know I am. Why can't I feel anything from anyone other than you? You are the only one that I still feel towards. Why? I do not know.

I need a lady. I really do. I want someone to love. I want someone to love me. I'm keeping my eyes open. Fingers crossed someone will come along soon. Here's to wishful thinking.

I miss... Forget it. The songs I'm writing are helping a lot. Thank goodness for that. I don't know why but while I was sitting outside I got that overwhelming feeling. "This too shall pass." It will. In time.

I really hate how much I rely on my anti-depressants just to function. I felt like total waste and useless this morning. Then I took my pills. Now, I'm feeling better. Just tired, which is usual. I hope that one day I won't need them. Hopefully that will happen. I have a shit ton to do today. Breathe. I can get it done. I need to stop procrastinating.

Today. Today is a day when things get to me. Today, I'll allow myself to feel a little down. Maybe just for an hour. Maybe more. But not past today. It's not worth it. I have a mountain of work to do so that should help keep my mind off of things. Breathe. Just for today.

"Let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see." I'm going to live my life according to that line. I'll try to at least. It's been a good day. I love that I can recognize days a "good" now. Nothing that good is happening. Life isn't that awful. This is good. Now for more "Dexter".

Welp. I just accidentally read some spoilers in "Dexter". Dammit. Ha ha. I'm glad that is the only thing close to "getting me down" lately. Here's to the rest of the day!

Whew. That was close. Ha. Welp, back to the new routine. Popcorn. Cup Noodles. "Dexter". Writing reviews. Breathing. Smiling. Living in the now. Looking forward to tomorrow. Here's to another day!

I just finished season one of "Dexter". I'm in love. Amazing show. The weather is amazing today. I need to write a paper that's due in 2 and 1/2 hours. I can do. I hope. Ha. It's a good day. I had some instant coffee (my coffee maker broke) and a cigarette this morning and just felt... good. It's nice feeling that way. I'm feeling new. I'm feeling cleaner. More innocent. I miss innocence. Here's to another day!