When the doors of perception are cleansed everything would appear to man as it is-infinite I had created a life inside of a fog that made the real world almost unbearable when i wasn't lost inside my head and i took the time to listen, i often found that other people's conversations seemed to blow right past me, to pertain only to a certain sect of individuals i was not a part of these were the drinkers of the world, the loud girls and merrymakers pretending a situation was all that it wasn't needing attention and eyes to feed and grow they needed new places with old faces to them, this counted as "doing something" they needed company to waste the time where as i much prefered to wast it alone i believed firmly in the idea of routine if you practice anything enough, engrave it into your life you can be totally in control so every summer day, as soon as my parents went to work, i sat down on the swing on the side of my house to start my day off with a purpose i loved watching the smoke woosh past me as it joined the wind, taking my fears and pains across the skyline with it as i breathed in, i felt a calm embody me, wrap it's fingers through my own and make me safe i loved this new vision, this sense of alignment i no longer resented time trapping me into the most empty corners, laughing at my as i tried to escape it's grasps and find the meaning now i thanked it instead, for the time to think and breathe, for the certain charmed quality my life held that allowed so many stolen moments like this i felt stronger, surer more grateful to be alive so that's what i did, day in and day out in hopes that i could replace all the parts of me dark and twisted with a new found chemical optimism