Sometimes it's hard to believe there are over 6.5 billion people on Earth, because right now I feel so lonely. I feel lonely most of the time, but I guess it's something you just have to get used to. I guess I'm hoping I'm going to write something profound and meaningful in this entry but my hollow head isn't going to come up with much. I know, I'm hoping someone is going to stumble across this and read it but this is just going to be lost in the masses of journal entries there are. I just need to write words. Listening to Transatlanticism by Death Cab For Cutie, another song to add to the infinite list of songs I love even though they break and impale my heart... in a good way... if that's possible... I keep the shards in my hands and they are beginning to cut... I'm bleeding words, bleeding all over the keyboard and I can't stop writing... I wish I could just lock all these words away in my ribcage but for some reason I can't stop typing... It's funny, I've never talked so much in life as I've typed. I've always found it excruciating talking to people. Don't ask why, it's just something programmed deep into my cerebral cortex, whatever messed up part of my head that is. Transatlanticism, I play this song so loud, because it's like I'm plugging the speakers into my arteries and still the world isn't listening. There are so many life changing songs out there, they're all taking their toll on me. Do you ever want to scream your head off for no reason? Sometimes I want to because if I don't stop screaming I won't start crying. I feel so pathetic right now, so useless, so worthless, so meaningless. Am I supposed to at my age? Is there something wrong with me? I am desperate to just string a sentance together that means ANYTHING... I'm writing a book. Or, trying to. I know it sounds ridiculous being only 13 and I'm trying to write a book. Anyways, I wrote something today, and I just think it rings true to what I'm feeling: "I try to tell myself that others are worse off. Others ARE worse off. But then it's night, and I'm all alone, and the darkness begins to suffocate. I begin to drink it in, it fills my lungs, slips into my eye sockets, floods my vains, pours into my mind, I'm entirely consumed. And it's so much easier to feel sorry for yourself in the dark." Damn, this insomnia just won't quit. Goodnight.

I am listening to the fray on my mother's ipod sitting on the couch having a gut wrenching moment. I always used listen to the fray on the carpet of my mother's bedroom, it was a really good carpet. It was cream coloured and so soft you could fall asleep on it.(Until you got a headache because despite all it's soft fluffiness you could eventually feel the hard wooden floor underneath.) But I would lie on my stomach and play the fray over and over again, for hours on end and I felt happy and safe. I haven't felt like that in while which is sad. Everything is changing so quickly for me and I don't know why. I feel like crying but I won't because I'm so exhausted (but I can't fall asleep.) I'm probably the only person who will read this and I don't mind because I just needed to let it out. Phew, I feel better now. If anyone else does read this thanks for bothering. :)

My Insomnia is affecting my sleep so yeah I'm still awake.... I saw a production of midsummer night's dream and it was surprisingly good. I love Drama (when it's on stage....) as I am a LAMDA student then meaning I am "a professional actress".... fancy or what? Hope everyone's lives are good and if not well I've been there and it gets better. Honestly, I probably sound like an annoying sunshine-y person but it does get better. So, just wanted to say hi and.... yeah... woo! :)

"A life lived for others is a life worth living" - Albert Einstein "I am not bothered by the fact I am unknown. I am bothered when I do not know others" - Confucius "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free" - Jesus "The red skittles are my favourite" - jadie0is0saved (Jadie)

I have decided the song of my life truly is Hoppipolla by sigur ros :) (just to let you know). Just had a "panic moment" and now I feel suckish. How depressing... but on the bright side I've found some good music on itunes :) I feel so ill... I'm going to go hug someone now....

Just to say (and repeat) anyone who looks at my profile should note that it is putting up random birthdays, last time it said I was 110 years old. I'm not a sparkly vampire..................I'm a proper vampire that bursts into flame........ :)

Yeah, I went to latitude and it was AWESOME!!! I saw jonsi and it was amazing. Everything is okay. Of course I'm still pretty "sick" (It's gonna be a while til I'm better) but you know got to be positive and sunshine, lollipops and rainbows everywhere... that lot... :)

I just finished doing race for life and it was such an amazing atmosphere. Yay! :)

My profile keeps updating random birthdays. Weird...

The top five songs of my life (at the moment...) in no particular order because they're all so amazing I can't decide: In the sun by Joseph Arthur Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros Death to Los campesinos by Los campesinos Sylvia by the Antlers On melancholy hill by gorillaz Right now I'm almost crying to In the sun as seen above. I'm feeling pretty emotional today. Found out I'm prone to panic attacks (again) so yeah not too great, but it's okay. Hopefully I'll get better, some day. Brave smile day I guess.