A Loners Late Night Call By Ian Francis Cigarettes and coffee in the late of night, She is gone and something isnt right Nicotine and caffeine cant shake her off his mind, Her smile and laughter has him like a bind. He still loves her, but he does too. And he isnt quite sure what he is to do Now time is ticking right off the clock. He has found his self between a hard place and rock Her love as steady as an oceans wave Without her, he is digging his own grave No amount of Guinness could ever replace The meaning he finds in her embrace. Tomorrow she is leaving for Denver, Leaving him only memories to remember. Has to come clean about what he's feeling, Lays in bed and cries to a blank white ceiling Stumbling over his words as he makes the call, He know he needs an ace, so he risk it all A hello from the other end of the line, Just hoping he has reached her in time Hope shatters as goodbye tears hit the floor, His angles voice he wont hear any more. She says that it was worth her while, Through tears he fights to front a smile. Tonight He'll drink into an early grave, As he gives a goodbye wave.

Friday, Dec 10th 2010. 1:41am-2:07am. The subject line for this entry may seem odd so I will elaborate slightly and more will come to light as the entry goes on.A few days ago I meet up with an ex girlfriend of mine, not only an ex, but in most ways my first love and first girlfriend. We have dated twice, with a few months break in between if memory serves me well.Since the ending of our second relationship we have both gone very different ways then when we dated. Our relationships seemed to be destined to fail from the start, there were too many conflicts, not just between the two of us, but with many other things. There was a few years age difference between us, her being old, and my strict mother wasn't very fond of us dating, which lead to being problematic for us to have a relationship. Now back to the recent present. We meet up for lunch and then came back to my house two watch a movie, and we ended up kissing. But things were different then I expected. She brings out a side of me I haven't seen in years, in a way I find next to impossible to explain. She says its a challenge for me, considering that we never took to the physical side of love, but honestly it isn't. Given some back history, I wont go into, I can see were she may think so. But that's not it, their was a familiarity to it all, in a way that I loved. At times I would lay there with her in my arms and I could honestly say that I was truly happy with things. I would stop kissing her, just so that I could look into her eyes and see my own tiny reflection in her pupils. She would bring out a charming, romantic side of me that Ive always known I had, but never could bring out in such an honest form. I honestly hated for her to leave, would of much rather the two of us fall asleep wrapped in each others embrace, but that's what dreams are for. haha. We talked on the phone the night before we met and she has lingered in my head from then till now, and I'm certain she will for more days to come. There is just something about her that captives me in ways I can't express and for reasons I don't understand, But I love it. So dear here's to you, some of this you know, and some you may never. But for now I just wish that you are sleeping peacefully and happy. Oh and I always think of you on 11:11.

Im writing more or less to help my mind relax before I settle into the comfort and solitude of my bed and dreams. I didn't have anything in mind to write about, that is until I got up to get my laptop to compose this entry. As I was looking around my room for my laptop I saw a book by my favourite author, Robert Fulghum. The book is titled "Third Wish". My mind started racing with ideas and thoughts about the three wish I would want to be granted if I every found the magical lamp or Lore. I also wondered about what other people would wish for and what myself and others may have in common if we stumbled upon this lamp. I figured that most people would wish for one of two things for there first wish, either money or happiness. The second wish could be which ever of the first two choices that werent chosen on the previous wish. The third wish, the final wish. The first two wish may be rashly made and not completely thought through, but the third wish is ones last chance to get or accomplish something that may not even be possible with out the help of divine intervention. The third wish is something that will probably be rationalized and more so thought through than the other two previous wishes that were granted. So I wonder, if one human being was granted three wishes would they think rationally on all of their wishes or would rationality simple fade from their realm of thinking. I would like to think that upon completion of the first two wishes the one be granted the wishes would suddenly come to a sober mindset and really challenge themselves and the depths of their creativity to wish for something that would be worthy of the use of such magical forces.

It may be that the gulfs will wash us down It may be that we shall touch the Happy Isles, And though we are not now that strength which in old days, Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will: To strive, to seek, to find, and not too yield. This poem or part of a larger poem, Ulysses, has be come a new favorite of mine. It is so true to life, to me this poem is talking about risk, and the things we seem to regret the most at the end of everything is that chances that for what ever reason we decided to never take. Personally, I dont like to play things safe, Ive always considered myself a risk-taker, but there are some places I dont. Mainly speaking in the terms of relationships. But I am turning over a new leaf. We all must die at some point in time, our number will come do and the highest price of living will be called for. Since in most cases this debt comes at an unknown time, Ive decided to make the best of everything to come. Im not suggesting to anyone that they should do cocaine because what the hell, we are all going to die. Risk simply means that there is a possibility that what we want will not come about. One must play the odds, and sometime they may be favorably slim, .01% of a chance is still a chance. I am relatively young, but I have experienced more things than most people get to in a long life, not all of which is something to desire. However, in my short life I have collected a few regrets that I wish more than anything I could take back, not taking the chance asking out the beautiful girl in the chair next to me, saying I love you before it was too late, and sitting silent when I had some many things I had to say that could have changed the outcome of someones life. These are just three, all about three every different people but I am haunted by each of them often. In a short amount of time, I will be taking a large risk in going to a completely new place and will be leaving everything Ive ever known behind for 3 months. Once Im back, I have made a life changing choice, I am enlisting in the United States Marine Corps, I wish to serve the country that has given me an opportunity to become anything I wish to be. I accept that this choice, this risk, could mean that my life will be taken from be at the hand of someone who stand for everything I am against, both on a personal and moral level. This is a risk I accept because I love my country and want to give everyone I love the same opportunity that was given. To all and any who read this, take a risk, jump in the ocean of chance, submerge your head into the salty luck, and swim to the sandy beach of no regret. Even if taking the risk doesnt turn out how you wish, it will turn out that you will never regret taking the chance.

Saturday July 3rd, 4:47am - 5:21am I come home in the early morning, around 3:30am, when I get off work. I usually sit in my car and indulge myself in a smoke or two while I relax for the first time in several hours. Tonight I was sitting in my car and was looking for a number of a friend. I noticed that there were a lot of numbers that I do no longer keep in contact with. I went from 160 contacts to 113. There were some numbers of people that I do still know but, have no relationships with, but a lot were names and numbers that were no longer in my memory. I could not help but ponder who all's phones my contact information is in, and how many of them have no clue who I am. To me, this shows me how we all grow apart. It is a sad truth, but we do grow up and as we do we grow apart. We all lose friends to different roads in life, and for those who we wish to see again, all I know to say is that I hope all roads lead to Rome.

Sunday, June 27 2010 3:07am- There is actually no real reason I am writing tonight. I have nothing particularly bothering my mind, but I figured I'd write and see what comes to the pages. In my own personal experience, I have found these writings usually lead to something completely unexpected. If anyone reading this is looking for some good music and like a bit more on folk side, I have fallen in love with Mumford and Sons. I am what I consider to a realist. Which usually means I have a bit more negative outlook on life and situations that come about in day to day activities. I seem to be drawn to disaster and unhappy event. Not like I go looking for them but they do seem to teach me more than anything else has ever before. As I am writing this I am listening to music and I've notice that my favorite music seems to be sad and what others may call depressing, but I seem to find these songs to be of great comfort to my own heart. They seem to me, to be something that is actually possible and something that one day I may have the unfortunate pleasure of living through a similar situation, and if I do I know that the song will pop into my head and be a shining light in a time of seemingly endless darkness. I've heard it said many times that music affects our moods, I but I argue that our moods affect our choice in musical taste. I think both sides are true though. Do I find comfort in sad songs because I'm sad, or do the songs make my mood sad? Either way it goes, I like my, what others may call depressing, music and I would rather not change it. Another question that has been plaguing my mind, is fear and love? Is it better to be feared (speaking in the form of the original root meaning of the word, respected) or loved? Which is better to be feared or loved? I'm not sure if you must have one to have the other or if they are completely separate things. I would argue they are separate. You can love a family member but not respect them, or respect a boss or co-worker without loving them. I guess I would need to have an operational definition for love, the problem with the English language is that the meaning for the words are too vague. We use the same word to show our enjoyment for our favorite food as well as our deep affection for our special someone. I've always said that the word "love" is the most powerful but over used word in the English language. On a side note, please no one take this as a hater of a English language, it is my native tongue. Since we are speaking on the topic of love, I ask another life long question. Is it better to love and lost or never loved at all. I think this question is truly unanswerable, not just for me but for all. If one person is in love with another it is the best most beautiful natural feeling that a higher power has bestowed upon humanity, but as with everything in life, it opposite is true too. When one is heartbroken nothing can compare to the soul wrenching pain that one feels, and the things that pain can lead to are incredible, yet sadly they are such things as drugs and suicide. But I must digress, it is early in the morning for me and I have to be up for an eating engagement in a few hours. Any thoughts on any of the topics or anything in general are welcome.

Friday June 25th 2010 4:05-4:27am It's been sometime since Ive logged a journal entry, and those of you whom may read this will see this is the first entry posted. As that may be true for this account, I had another that has since been forgotten about and I no longer have access to it. So this is a new beginning.As implied by the subject, the account is new, however, the meaning is as many of the other lost entries were. On my previous account I wrote about a love that I had, but never really did. To speak more clearly it was a love that I felt, but that I never had the chance to experience. This girl, whom will go by DF, was the topic of most of all my other entries. A girl whom I dont have, and truthfully never will. I lover whose company I will never share, whose hand I will never hold, and whose kiss I will only get to taste in my sweetest dream. I had since made a painful peace with knowing this, but as of recent I cant help but reply the memories that I was had with her, although some may not be as much memory as they are dreams, I still reply them in my mind's eye. I was reminicing with a new found friend after work a few days back and I cant help but think of this girl.I am writing this, knowning that she will probably never read this, or she may and not know that it was written by me.If she were to read this, I would love to think that it would appeal to her, as a man in love, and that she would feel for him, but she would not know for who the writer was. It is in the early morning for me, and I wish not to take a trip down memory lane at this time if I dont have to. As for all of those who may be wondering about my account name I shall elaborate slightly. I am a romantic person, I am a deep believer in love, but not love at first sight. Please dont misundertand what you feel at first sight of someone, it isnt love, but lust. Love comes with time and connection, lust comes at first sight. Back to what matters though. There is a song called "Perceft Lover" by a band named Kansas, it talks of a perfect lover in ones head, I dont believe the perfect lover excist outside ones head, some may come close, but perfection is a goal that may be strived for but one will always fall short of. Since I do not believe this "perfect lover" excist outside of ones own thoughts, yet other may agrue even insisted that it may, I believe this lover to be fabled. Hence why my username is Fabled Lover. I do truly hope that one day I will be proved incorrect on this matter, but until that time comes I will stand with what has been proven to be thus far in my long, but relativily short life. All comments or questions are welcomed, but any inquiring more on persons written about will not be answered as to keep the innocent protected.