did you forget everything you seem to be looking back at this year with only one character playing a lead role. i should be the one to choose my memories. and i skipped through it all.

its almost 2:30. I cant sleep attempting to create another messy essay, that i am in turn unsatisfied with. 3 more weeks! its insane. 3 more fucking weeks... I am infatuated with him, and i only have about 4 weeks with him. until hes off to yukon ukraine. i had a chance and i missed it only to be enveloped in depression for a few months, 15 months with the other who has now lived for 18 years for 2 hours and 27 minutes. and its very on and off, I'm a switch with him, its an effort to be happy, but its worth it, to watch him glow at my smile is worth it. but on my own i am happiest, I can not wait a minute longer until I'm on that east coast, with pounding rain on my face. New people, new relationships, no reputation, no shitty friends. alone again, naturally... in the happiest alone i have ever been.

I feel machinery underneath me, it irritates my bones. I am not machine so how am i therefore connected? Light on the various signs throughout the city reflecting into my eyes.. well it completely defeats the purpose. Blinded how am i supposed to be attracted to what it is saying? It's a messed up world and i hardly want to be a part of it.

Why is it that the man can be so happy, truthfully happy? While the woman is not, she will always have that striking tear, Just about to fall the longer it is held there the larger it will become. Until one day, when that man is so incandescently happy... The tear, it must fall, fall into her hands. They fall for no apparent reason.

There's a sadness in her eyes, ( thats their infatuation ) Obsession with making her smile.. no even deeper.. Making her light up internally Lighten the rotten organs that no longer are their for life But are there for her to be trapped in strife.