He wanted you He had you As well as another Now he no longer wants you And Who, Who's to say he ever wanted you... Wanted your soul. It was the fact that you were unattainable. and THAT that... was all he wanted.

A public display i quickly realized really does sicken my soul. I sit conveniently on my own, as i will from now on. I sulk, pathetically. My mind goes over your possible thoughts I close my eyes seeing a familiar face But this face has no meaning. WHAT... what is going on in my mind. It makes no sense, probably a repercussion from the lack of sleep i have been having, caused by you. I give my self to any boy with an open heart towards me, only to shatter my heart even more. How is it that i was the one that gave you away, but now i am the one who is becoming broken beyond repair. All i want is a word from you, a single word. anything to know you still exist. You haunt me as though you were dead. PROVE TO ME YOU EXIST stop this insanity.

I cannot imagine what I imagined. I love him I care for him I like him I like his attention I want him I felt it, it was right I have fun I reveal myself. but which is most important? I can not be it all.

As my eyes do wander Insomnia awakens me from my lost reality In the dead of night i am most alive the thought of you keeps me reeling always the thought never the sight i dream of a day with you that dream never ends a continuous chase to your heart

did you forget everything you seem to be looking back at this year with only one character playing a lead role. i should be the one to choose my memories. and i skipped through it all.

its almost 2:30. I cant sleep attempting to create another messy essay, that i am in turn unsatisfied with. 3 more weeks! its insane. 3 more fucking weeks... I am infatuated with him, and i only have about 4 weeks with him. until hes off to yukon ukraine. i had a chance and i missed it only to be enveloped in depression for a few months, 15 months with the other who has now lived for 18 years for 2 hours and 27 minutes. and its very on and off, I'm a switch with him, its an effort to be happy, but its worth it, to watch him glow at my smile is worth it. but on my own i am happiest, I can not wait a minute longer until I'm on that east coast, with pounding rain on my face. New people, new relationships, no reputation, no shitty friends. alone again, naturally... in the happiest alone i have ever been.

I feel machinery underneath me, it irritates my bones. I am not machine so how am i therefore connected? Light on the various signs throughout the city reflecting into my eyes.. well it completely defeats the purpose. Blinded how am i supposed to be attracted to what it is saying? It's a messed up world and i hardly want to be a part of it.

Why is it that the man can be so happy, truthfully happy? While the woman is not, she will always have that striking tear, Just about to fall the longer it is held there the larger it will become. Until one day, when that man is so incandescently happy... The tear, it must fall, fall into her hands. They fall for no apparent reason.

There's a sadness in her eyes, ( thats their infatuation ) Obsession with making her smile.. no even deeper.. Making her light up internally Lighten the rotten organs that no longer are their for life But are there for her to be trapped in strife.

"I somehow see what's beautiful In things that are ephemeral I'm my only friend of mine And love is just a piece of time In the world In the world And I couldn't help but fall in love again" I thought i saw your face today- She & Him Where do i see myself? Am i thinking of Halifax simply from the fact that they were so overly excited. Montreal for the boyfriend who couldnt love me anymore than he already does, But i already feel myself detaching myself from him British Columbia. All alone, in the hole that is Kelowna, Okanagan. No city, just nature, no friends, no boyfriend, no family. A fresh new start? is that what i need? because its what i fear most right now. I know i will miss them all, but the sad thing is, It is you, the one i love the most that i will miss the least.