as the days go by i get more and more depressed. i fail to see a purpose. every time i gain some shred of happiness it is taken from me abruptly by the thought of what tomorrow holds. everything i try i fail at. i have friends but they do not understand what i am going through. to them i am the happiest member of our group, the one always willing to try something new and encouraging everyone to do the same. i am so outgoing because i secretly hope that one day i will do something too drastic and end my life. i cannot wait to die. i think that that is the thing i think about the most. while most people my age will be worrying about friends, family, work, or school, i spend my days killing myself in my head wishing that my fantasies will come true. nothing i do makes me feel any happier. no matter how happy i am on the outside on the inside i am screaming for help. but no one can help because no one can hear my scream. i tried Christianity but i find it too hard to believe in what they preach and that makes me even more depressed. i want to believe in an all loving all knowing all powerful god but i just cant. there is too much pain and suffering in the world.

what is the perfect form of life...NOT humans. thought is an evil thing. what has our ability to think done for us? it has caused us to end millions of innocent lives for reasons that we thought were important. we come up with all these ideas of what is right and wrong that we are left in a world of confusion and pain. thought has never done anything good for the world. because we think we are now slowly killing the planet we live on. thought is the enemy of life. and that makes us the enemy.