the people in this place are such shit. holy fuck i can't even... put into words. i need to get out of here. need to get out before they suck me back down. kill everything i've worked for. everything that i needed. holy shit. holy shit. holy shit. i'm going to burn this whole place to the ground when i get the chance. FUCK. fuck you all. worthless.

it's so strange to be back here. it's like my life is a loop when i'm here. because i was so fucking happy, so... placated when i was away. i forgot everything i left behind. being back here makes me crazy. but it's so beautiful. all the heartache and pain i felt is coming back, returning. just fucking with my head you know. it's bizarre. there will be times, when i honestly believe i'm losing it. i think i'm crazy. and then i'll realize. i'll see the beauty in all this angst. because when i'm feeling so conflicted and distraught... i know i'm actually feeling. i'm really alive. i can have opinions. i can speak with honesty. i can just be. looking back on all this writing, where i poured out my anger and frustration. it's something. it makes me real. but then that moment passes and i'm fucked up again. all i want to do is be fucked up. fucked up. fucked up. fucked. up. just drink and go. and it's crazy, it's insane. but the reason i like you so much... it finally dawned on me. it's because you are exactly who i would be. who i'd be if i didn't waste so much time being scared. and all i want to do now is be you. and be with you. lets hatefuck. please... i want you to see that my heart's on fire. just like yours is.