That's bugging the shit clean outta me now. Have even emailed the helpdesk to let me read my mail. Harrrrummmppphhhh

We must (well a good majority anyway...) think we are unique in suffering painful hearts... Had a wee trawl here and it seems I'm not alone in my psychotic thoughts... Sorry for all your troubles x

... I have a new message here. Apologies if you think I'm ignoring you, I can assure you I'm not. Whoever you are. Every time I click the ' You have 1 new message' link... I'm brought to an empty inbox...

In fact... It's two steps forward... & three back. Everytime I feel a little closer, interventions push/pull it away. I'm forgetting the feeling of closeness altogether, hanging on by my fingernails now, and three of them have broken off 

I think I might use here. It's a little corner of the realm where few or even better none... Know I exist or inhabit. Insignificance suits me. Who knows... I may even let the intended wordpress project flounder, of this works out. Not that I'm going anywhere fast with it. Anyway. Bleak start to today... Emerged from a blackness that almost smothered me. Am slightly lifted now. But still full of that nagging self doubt. Justified self doubt, and sometimes loathing. Not enough to get into the harm myself category... Ho nooooooes... I prefer my pain to come from reaching my physical limits in the gym. I get an invincible aura whenever I push myself hard enough... I've skipped gym two days in a row now. I'm low. V low.