so, were all at the show. bills bein kinda gay, i see brent and i feel bad cause the last time i saw him i was trading him a fake lottery ticket for a dub. what ever, i bought him a drink and felt a little better about it. so rebel spell starts, and theyre pretty good. got a nice four peice goin. two guys, two girls. pretty fuckin rockin. i had told joey (and myself) that i wasnt gonna go in the pit for most of the show. go in for the first band, get it outta my system, yaknow? so i jump in, shove, get shoved, and outta nowhere, some fist connects, square in my face. right at the bridge of my already broken nose. awesome. i jump around for a little bit until i realize that maybe i should find a napkin to get this blood off my face. go get a napkin, a couple drinks, and meet up with zach to give him his ticket. millions of dead cops comes up, and, its two originall members and two new ones. it was not hard to tell old from new. there was two fifty year olds and two 20 year olds. either way, they kicked ass. spent there whole set in the pit. couldnt help it. i hadnt got my fill.so finally, (15 minutes late) propagandhi starts, and....its hard to desrcibe exactly how i felt at this point. "i felt horatio alver. a man on the move. and just sick enough to be totally confident" it was like, everything thats happened this year, or in my life for that matter, didnt count for beans. they started playing and the world stopped. im getting smashed by fans, beaten by vegans, and i want more. im no masocist but all i wanted was to feel the pain. hitting, gettin hit. into the third song, the pit had slowed down, cause everyone who was in it from the start was waiting for their second wind, and i stood there. in awe of people who would never hang out with me for a million reasons, and i started to cry. i didnt cry in some, omg fanboy sorta way. i was crying (and trying to cover it up) because, it was the first time in my life that...i truly realized...its not gonna be ok. the world is an ugly place. and all we can do is find whatever makes it tolerable. the beauty in a sunset, the mix of colors in the melting pot, a bead of sweat falling from ones face to another. the way music can make you dance like a retard and give two shits about what anyone whos watching thinks. it really hit me like a bullet to my chest and a rock in my gut, life sucks, but its worth living. its hard to play the game, especially when lifes dealin 12's in a shitty game of black jack. but the 21s comin. give it time and enjoy whatever theyre dealin you. cause nothin really matters ive come to find out. matters more is how you cope with it. this may be common knowledge to you, but im just finding my strength to live. so dont judge me. "i can feel your eyes, and they are full of judgment"...