FINALLY getting back to songmeanings. its been too long, yo. too damn long.

you look like someone i dislike. emotional memory causes me to dislike you as well. prove me wrong, or otherwise youre just another dumb face.

I AM RUDE SOMETIMES. I AM NARCISSISTIC SOMETIMES. I AM INSENSITIVE SOMETIMES. I AM BLUNT SOMETIMES. I AM INTIMIDATING SOMETIMES. I AM MEAN SOMETIMES. i am honest always.

being appreciated. surprises (the real ones, not the shit kind where people say "i have a surprise" and then make you wait for three days to get it). sunshine. realizing that you havent looked for shapes in clouds in years, then doing just that. honesty- the refreshing, painful kind. oranges. the smell of a clean house. summer. that shivery, anxious happiness you get when you realize something big is about to happen. the idea that your entire life could be a dream. the realization that you life is not a dream, but a living being standing and breathing beside you. love.

things that are wrong -this kid on the bench across from me keeps clearing his throat. not just like once every few minutes but like nonstop for two whole minutes. -i'm really hungry and no one will pick me up. -summer is still three weeks away. things that are right -i have half a bagel in my hand -its going to rain tonight - summer is only three weeks away. i seriously think this kid might have throat cancer because he wont fuking stop.

make me potent like the earth after rain. i want everyone that breathes me to know that you were here. i am steeping in the warmth of you. i will drain all of me out of myself and all that will be left is pieces of you, shaped like stars, with no resign but to be flung upon themselves into the open sky and gazed upon by lovers of humans like us.

dance gavin dance is intense. its so humid outside that when i walked out with a piece of paper in my hand the paper wilted, but i wouldnt have my jungle weather any other way. this week, this month, is stuck in that infuriating time between life and summer. you can be between these two things because they are two different things of two seperate worlds. my world today smells like deoderant, pencils, windex, obedience, and discontent. summer smells like oranges, hairspray, gasoline, and victory. what does your day smell like?

the lovely bones is fantastic. i cried like a hundred times. actually...like 7 times. i read the book, and i can safely say the book is as good as the movie. this is a completely, shameless plug. SEE THAT MOVIE SEE THAT MOVIE SEE THAT MOVIE. though i will say it lasted really long. stanley tucci is wonderful.

we are hideous creatures. we roam this planet we are given, and we pillage and plunder it for all it's worth. we move through relationships, however mundane, and we expect things from everyone. We steal. We kill. we destroy. we rape. we abuse. we lie and we cheat. we fill our bodies with trash and drugs. we have the ability to cause pain without touching. we are a might beast, humans. we are terrible and beautiful. treat me right.

i am rude. i am blunt. i have red hair and brown eyes. i dont give a shit what people say, but that doesnt mean i dont hear it. i dont paint my nails. i smoke weed. i curse very loudly. i belch in public. boys like me, and girls don't, but thats alright with me-i don't like girls. i party a lot. i sleep a little. i've got friends and i dont know how. i dont fall in love, and i like western movies. i read a lot. i scream a lot. i know how to be nice, but being onery seems to work for me. i'm an honor student and i dont know how it happened. i've got a lot of good things and some bad things too. and through all the dirt and grime...i'd say i'm genuinely happy.