That's smart. Goodbye as well.

Thank you, Stumbleupon. I needed to read this: “You can never tell what people are thinking and feeling unless they tell you, and usually they lie. you ask them, ‘Whats wrong?’ and they say ‘Nothing’. You accept this because it’s easier than digging for the truth. People smile when they want to cry, they laugh when they want to scream and shout. They pretend like nothing is wrong because they don’t want to face the truth. Things aren’t always rainbows and butterflies, sometimes you gotta scream and cry your anger and sadness to the world, because you can only hold it in for so long before something in you snaps. so when you want to cry, cry. When you want to scream, scream. Don’t hide behind fake smiles, it’s ok to not be alright.”

I got my wisdom teeth out this morning and today, more than any other, I want to just lay and cuddle with a pretty girl and watch movies. I wish I knew what it was like. "The hardest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." I'm currently working on a new song. It's called "August 19th" and it's quite possibly the most honest song I've ever written. I may post it here once I finish but I'm liking it so far. It's Colour Revolt-esque and it's pretty much me just venting and getting out some things I've needed/wanted to say for a while. It feels good.

I've felt off all day. My head hurts right now but it's not a headache. I don't know what's going on. I wrote some journals whilst on the cruise. I'm trying to decide if I want to post them. Ehh I don't know. I got the new Colour Revolt album today and it's amazing. I've been listening to them and Dead Confederate a lot. It's nice. I leave for school on the 19th. Thank Christ. I need it.

I'm going away on a cruise for a week. I should be extremely excited. Don't get me wrong, I am but I'm still having anxiety. I have nothing to return to. No one will give a shit that I'm gone. No one is going to miss me. I have nobody. I need to get away but I just don't want to come back. I'm a goner.

Everything is a memory. Everyday is a reminder.

Believe you me... I want to. I am begging myself to just do it but I can't. I just can't. I'm sorry.

I'm going to drown myself on my writing. Not on here much anymore (if at all). I have four screenplays going and I want to focus on my reviews. That's that, I guess. http://indiescream.wordpress.com/

I was doing quite well. I was driving home, smoking a cigarette (I need to stop smoking in my car), and "Float On" by Mouse Mouse came on. Whenever I'm in a funk, that song helps me. I immediately started to smile and just look around and the world looked so wonderful. But then I got home. Now I'm sitting alone in my room, on my computer, and that warm optimistic feeling is fading fast. I need to get out and do something but I have no motivation. I just opened all the blinds in my room and it helped a little bit. I just feel that I've lost everyone and everything. I don't know why but I feel very, very alone. I really hope this passes soon. I cannot take another few weeks of this nonsense.

I'm speaking figuratively, of course, like the last time that I committed suicide, social suicide. I'm just a wilting forget-me-not. I'm really not sure how I feel these days. My life seems to be slowly floating by and I have no strength to swim against the current I'm in. I really need a change. I need it now more than ever. Fuck, college can not get here fast enough. I need new people. I need new experiences. I need life. I plan to be forgotten when I'm gone, yes I'll be leavin' in the Fall.