Today is the day before thanksgiving. Actually, I guess today is thanksgiving now. But I'll work on what I'm thankful for tomorrow. I'll pretend it's today still, still Wednesday the 25th. Today I woke up at Sabine's and whatever. We fought a lot. It's scary, you know. I really love this girl and sometimes I don't know what she thinks of me. She gets mad at all of these things that I don't think would make me so mad, like, crying mad. I guess she's kind of crazy, but then me too. It's just. Scary. I don't know what to do sometimes or all the time. I guess maybe that's what love is or whatever. We were doing a crossword puzzle and she made some really vague like multilevel like reference to something, and I didn't get it and tried to show her this song that I was referring to that set her off in the first place on this secret message, but she wasn't having it. She started crying and I don't know. I felt deep down really sad but deeper than that maybe a little bit annoyed. I wish she could be more stable or something sometimes. Whatever, I hugged her awkwardly as she was curled up on these van seats in her backyard and she cried really quietly. Eventually she got mad because she felt really stupid for being so upset about this stuff when clearly it's a little crazy, but I tried to reassure her because if she's not crazy what is she. I mean, I love her either way, you know? Lately it has been a lot though, but I'm not giving up yet, neh? Went to the park and tried to talk, but apparently I don't talk right. I know. I'm pretty depressed or whatever, and have been for a long time, so I don't know if I can really talk normal anymore. Just quietly or something. She wanted me to tell her really personal stuff that I'm not talking about. Stuff about like attempted suicide and whatever. Not comfortable because I'm not really sure about it myself and I haven't really come to terms with it. Because I still think about dying a lot and what that means and whatever. So I made her trade me something but she couldn't think of anything and then I remembered that shes younger than me. Younger than me. Is she too young? I don't know. Has she just not gone through as much? I don't know. Anyway, I gave some lame answers and then we tried to talk about some other things but it wasn't working out and she was mad again. I don't know. She apologized later but I don't know what to tell her all the time. It's okay I guess, because that's what I decided on. We'll see what happens. It scares me when she says stuff like it's okay if we don't sleep in the same bed or whatever even though I only see her every so often. Or like, when she says it's better for us that we're long distance. I don't know what that means. I guess shes trying to justify it for herself, like, as a coping mechanism. But it's not like I'm strong and it's not like I want to hear it. Anyway, we had dinner at some Chinese restaurant that was pretty damn good actually. Like, tons of vegetarian stuff (Long Life House of Vegetables) and this pretty cheap dinner deal that was wayyyy too much food but still cheap for what it was. Like half as much at least as all of that stuff individually. Went home and I don't know. Hung out at home. Which is weird. I guess I'm sleeping alone tonight but I wish she was here. Wish I had someone to hold every night tonight but I guess sleeping alone one night isn't the worst thing in the world right now. Worked on that project for Core. I need to make a comic memoir. So far mine starts as a recurring dream I had as a child and then it just sort of branches off into God giving me a cross while I'm sleeping on an upside down cross somewhere in this big empty space. Well, it's one and I guess I'll go to sleep. Need rest for tomorrow. I don't know about anything and I know I say I don't know too much but really, I don't know what to say. I wish everything was better and I wish I knew what to do. I wish I had superpowers and a giant robot while we're at it. Wish I had a job too, that's probably easier.