Everyone idealizes their lives. When i look back at the old (actual) journal i had i saw a disturbing trend of mundanity. I'm sure if i actually kept all my thoughts here i would see one here too. I want to do something with my life; the mediocrity of my current one is overwhelming. And I know it's not just mine.

To be terribly honest, i feel like i'm alone even though I talk to other people. I'm stuck up, I know, and i'm too critical of other people, i know, but i have trouble acquainting myself with people who i know won't ever be close to me. At the same time, i'm not in a position to have any good friends because no one really knows me. That's probably a bad decision on my part. Hemingway is a good author check him out and don't just read old man and the sea

i have this thing where i get incredibly depressed during the nighttime. it's weird. it's not like a new thing; i've always seemed to get moody after dark. i don't know what sort of chemical does that but it certainly isn't very good for the self-esteem when you think of all the fuck-ups that you made during the day. that is my journal entry.

Well I can't say that I enjoy anything at all really. I always subconsciously navigate myself to the latest journal here, and it's pretty interesting how much they have in common. It's a nice reassurance to see that i'm not the only person with insecurities. I'm sure that in retrospect mine will look the same as any other journal but i'm not aiming to make it look any different.