I txt you and I know that the likelihood of you replying is 0, but I still reply. I have often asked myself why? I never really have been able to establish an answer but I also never have stopped txting you. I feel as if I stop I am abandoning you,which I will never do, and if I were to abandon you I would never forgive myself for it. Some things in life are worth fighting for, I think that is why I havent stopped txting you even though I know your not going to reply. I hope your reading them, I hope your seeing how strongly I feel, how much you have enthralled me with all that you do. As I write this I wonder if youll read it, and if you do, did we ever happen, or are we together now. You will most likely never read this, and I will most likely write my feelings down for a certain length of time and then will cease to do so any more. Just has I will only need this journal for so long I wonder if my only reason in your life was to see you carry on? I have no doubt that you will go on to wonderous things, the sky isnt even a limit for you. I understand that moving on is part of staying where you need to be. But, if I am really just in you life for a small purpose and will at some point fade into the past I want to let you know Im am proud to be part of your history.

If journals and diaries are for us to write our lives down in, does that mean that the complexities of life are actually simple enough to be composed into words and written down into the confines of a peice of paper? None of what follows has anything to do with the pervious. I wonder if you know how much I am haunted by your face? yet, as much as it hurts to see you I would die for one more glimpse of your smile. I dont know why or how writting down my feelings helps but it makes me feel as if there is a hope that I will be the one standing beside you at some point in life. Today I awoke from a dream where we were hugging, standing out in the medow beside my house. The sun was shinning and the beautiful fall breeze started to blow and never stopped. As I started to come to and wake up, you started to fade out of my dream. As I could feel your arms loosening around my neck, my arms squeezed ever tighter around your waist and I whispered "Dont let me go, dont let me go". Yet I still woke up with out you. Its utterly painful to sleep, cause then I dream, and when I dream its of you, but when I wake you not there your a hundred miles away. But I still look foward to sleeping because in my dreams is the only place I get to see you. Its bitter sweet though, knowing that in my dreams, a twisted fanasty where no others have a chance at your love. My dreams are mirrored oppisites of the real world, yet I still can find a shred of comfort in them.