Writing this seems like something from an angsty teen movie, but I find it hard to articulate my thoughts and feelings verbally, so hopefully I can make myself clear through this note. Maybe, on Saturday night I wasn’t clear. Jess put the ad up about needing a roommate about a month ago, I’ve been thinking of it ever since I saw it. However, the idea of moving out has been on my mind for a few years, since Year 9 probably, to be exact. I’ve just never had the funds, or a feasible opportunity until now. Today, I have both. This is something I want to do, that I am going to do. I’d prefer if you, both of you, were accepting of the decision that I’ve made. If not, I am planning to move anyway. I’m now legally old enough to make my own decisions even if you do not see me being an adult on your terms. I know that moving will change things, I know that I will be responsible for everything myself, but that is a step and a challenge that I am prepared to take. I’m not doing this on a whim; there are significant reasons why I am doing this. These include, that I will be closer to both uni and work. While, I know my current job is less than ideal, it’s likely that any future employment I have will be in the city, or at least close to uni. Also, this is something Ross and I have discussed at length, and we both feel it may improve the family dynamics. Greater independence is important to me as well. Another factor that I have considered, is the financial cost that I have while being under your roof, this may not be significant to you. But I do know that the physical and monetary cost of driving me to work isn’t fitting in with the amount of money, and time spare. I can support myself now, and it seems reasonable that I remove myself as a financial burden to ease the strain on you. So, the purpose of this letter is to tell you that I have carefully considered this, and that I will be, moving out and living in Unley in the future. I plan to do this as as soon as possible, because it is uni holidays, and I have some time off from work in the next two weeks.

*3rd time lucky sm!

i'm hoping to hell, maybe even praying. the rent is down to 87 a week, she's got another housemate, so there's one room left. she said i'd be her first preference, i think. i'm going to see the place tonight. i have not wanted something so badly since... in fact, i can't ever remember wanting something this badly. i just hope it works out. please. please. i want this, i need this.

still sick still tired still poor still feeling crap still procrastinating still missing you still hating myself these are my ever present constants

i think i've made a decision, i want to leave. it will make things easier, i think. in some ways. in the more important ways.but lian or jess? jess' is there already. i'm going to check her place out later this week.... and if we get a third housemate, that'd be awesome! the only thing i'm a little aprehensive about, is that i don't know her that well.. but she seems a chiller, and keen to let me move, so that's a good thing. jdsjkfjdjfsjk i hate that i have this stupid aprehnsion about catching buses, i hope, when i need to catch them all the time it will fade. and maybe i'll even start riding a bike? who knows. and then the other thing, telling my parents, oh golly. i don't know how i do that. i'm not sure why i'm deliberating... my decision is pretty much made.

i only write on here at specific points in my life, and then i randomly decide to put in posts about 'normality' but they never seem to make much sense. so, it's that time of the year, month, day, lunar cycle, whatever again. I'm sick, i have a massive assigment to do- worth 40% on a topic i don't understand, due friday. i am actually spending every wasted minute yelling at myself to do my work, but nothing is happening i'm too tired. i'm supposed to be going out three nights this week, but i think that's a terrible idea. and then, there's you. so, we're spending a fair bit more time together, and yes, we've been sleeping together, and that 'love' word has been used, multiple times in fact. and you posted on here, now, that was a surprise. i still love you, and you, say that you love me too. when we're together... well... it feels like it did, right back in the beginning. in those heady days of finding out all about who you were, the incessant texts, conspiring to spend even a few minutes together. it's like that, but older, deeper, different. i love you more these days. this love it feels physically deeper, i don't know if that makes sense. but i know, that i care for you, with such tenderness it makes me ache. it feels as if my heart is straining against my rib cage, wanting to be let out so that it can scream to the whole world "my heart belongs to jacinta rose" it's a stronger love, more considered than last time. it just feels different, and it feels different in a good way. and at the same time, i don't want to dive into a relationship, it's enough to spend time together, to be in your life, your arms sometimes and to know you feel a similar way. i'm not even sure that i'm expressing things clearly, all i know, is that i do love you, and in the future, yes, i still want to be with you. right now, what we have, it's enough. and actually, it's quite lovely.