It's almost christmas, and all my peers are running around the halls caroling and schelpping around their guitars and violins and cheerful voices. I've been feeling like a Scrooge, but is it my fault? The counselers think I have been needing to seek professional help since John left. I mean, yeah, I feel sad, but must it be immediatly diagnosed as depression? Do I have to be given another label due to my grief? I guess its just synomous with being under a microscope these days, but my english teacher, my mentor and idol asked me if I was on drugs! Are you fucking kidding me? I started basically just rambling in class and she wanted to know where I was coming up with this shit and I said it's in my head. She asked me if I did any type of drugs. There's enough going on there without the aid of il/legal substences. I don't like people poking around in my head. Truthfully, I'm moreso scared of them not being in my head but finding something in my head. It would give them another excuse to don me another label and be once again put on a shelf in the "special item" section of the toy store with all the other toys that seem broken or different. I'd just sit on that shelf anxiously awaiting someone to see past the cracks and the bandages and realise what's under this is genuine. And I found out Beth died. She overdosed. That made me feel like shit. They played Little Wing at her funeral, it fit her perfectly. Now if only Johnny could stop giving me shit about how I don't trust him and Taylor would stop pushing me to the breaking limit. I'm going to punch her in the face one of these days. These snow covered days remind me of the Robert Frost poem, "Christmas Trees." I wish I could describe how I am seeing things and how there's beauty in the world and how there's two more stars in the sky. Instead I'll just smile at you and say, "I'm wonderful. Happy Christmas. Too bad I couldn’t lay one in a letter. I can’t help wishing I could send you one, In wishing you herewith a Merry Christmas -Robert Frost, Christmas Trees

You've stumbled across one of my comments and onto my profile...congratulations. To give a face to the name, well, I'm gonna **cringe** make a 25 things about me, like they do on facebook and such. I feel this should suffice in lieu of exchanging pleasantries 1) My brother and I are quite close. We're like yin and yang. He's adventurous and terrifies me. My sister and I are close too. It's scarier though because we are the same person, except with a nine year age difference. 2) I ride a silly horse named Winchester that I'm in love with. I'm usually hanging with him. 3) My friends refer to me usually as Panda due to my lazy cuddly nature. 4) Why, yes, I DO love Spoon River Anthology, why do you ask? 5) I have been known to play The Floor Is Lava on a daily basis 6) My habits on the internet include listening to music (usually reccomended by friends), commenting on them via ici, reading xckd, and Dresden Codak, reading MLIA's, and just general lurking 7)I'm a band geek 8) My brother tricked me into a phobia of toilets when we were little. 9) Me and my sister refuse to use technology to communicate to each other. 10) My Nikon FE is like an extension of my arm 11) I have an addiction to the Coraline soundtrack 12) I have an addiction to Tim Burton and stop motion in general 13) I have to brush my teeth twice before leaving the house 14) When I was in kindergarten, I thought you could only date or marry someone if they had the same hair color as you. I cried over this because it ment I couldn't marry the boy who sat next to me with the t-rex shaped cookies. 15) My guitar's name is Martin 16) I get injured a lot 17) I love physics and philosophy 18) Past 3 am, I can't take anything seriously and will respond to most thing with the phrase "Just like your mom" or "That's what she said" or "Merde" 19) I still don't understand why some consider Mulan a disney princess 20) Above mentioned movie bothers me with its' historical inaccuracy 21) I'm pretty cynical 22) I can't eat the cheese on my second slice of pizza. Ever 23) I try to be Fiddler Jones in the sense of napping and bike riding and hacking out to my heart's content while never accomplishing any work. 24) I'm rather dull when you get to know me 25) dftba