ok zane called me and i am so happy. he thought i would never want to talk to him. his dad told him to go so he had to go but he said he will call me later. YAY. im happy. umbut. lol umbut bree bree dont cut this pig dont cut this pig dont cut dont cut this pig bree bree bree bree!!! wooooooooooooooooooooo. lol.

ok my mom is like the only one that understands me SOMETIMES! like i really want to get my hair died and cut and guess what! my dad says he doesnt think it is a good hairstyle for a 14 year old girl! god i am sooo fucken mad. music is like the only thing that can get me threw. and i am sooo soo soooo sad because my sisters are always complaining about me when i do nothing!!!!! like i was napping in the basement and they come down and start playing with loud music and wake me up! i mean they saw me there on the couch and UGH!nobody understands. god. i swear. is is me or do i go threw pain and suffering. like i just dont get why we- THIS WORLD- gets sooo harsh and cruel. it is like you have to be rich to recieve protection. it is soo unfair too. blah blah blah oh ya and then my dad said that i cant go on youtube.com anymore because he thinks i am so depressed from that sight and what i listen to. you know what, he might me allegaly be able to tell me what to do but i am not going to do what he says. i swear i wont.

my best friend is sick and he has lessons for 2 weeks straight from 2pm to 9pm and he has to play in the hot warm sun. he says he doesnt feel good and his dad isnt being very nice. im scared!!! i worry over him soo much. it is so so sad. omg i know i am just over reacting but you should have HEARD HIM! like ok here is the story, we meet threw my cosin, i was spending the night at his house and in the morning bradley (cosin) went to go pick up jordan. he is only fifteen and i like him alot. we started talking and we got to like eachother......... blah blah blah lol back to reality, anyways lets just say he isnt doing so well and when i heard that i got scared. see this is like my personal jornal...infact IT IS!!! lol so ya. i wont let anyone seee this no matter whaat. g2g

ugh i hate papa sooo much. my dad is all like ," oh ashley he loves you he is just old." and i am thinking to myslef how to tell him that i know he doesnt like me!! i have prof. GOD i swear this is sooo screwed up!!! ok so my aunt called and asked for grandpa and he wasnt there so i told her i would tell him to call her back. well i forgot, and later that day i had a friend over and he comes up to me and says really meanly," ashley i am so dissapointed in you!! why didnt you tell me she called!!!?" and i said" im soo sorry i forgot papa. my mistake." then he cut me off and said, "i know your sisters, april and angela, would NEVER make that mistake." and then he looked at my friend and said ," and i know you would never do that." god i swear i was about to aim at his neck!!!! i wanted to scream or to tell him to shut the fuck up. but any ways so ya im not really happy. Ben said that im dark. i think i am being myslef but he said this isnt me. it kinda hurt when he said that i changed and he didnt like it. but i havent changed and and UGH i just blah blah omfg. ya i feel so down in the dump and soo just sad. i mean does it hurt to give a hug or to hear the words i love you. at least i know my cat loves me lol.(his name is muffin.) he is as cute as can be. i just fead him. i like to make poetry and stuff so i might be sharing it. im listening to hollywood undead and greenly estates. i love alot of bands it is so hard to name them all. i feel llike my heart is burnt and cold and just shaddered that i cant live anymore. i go threw pain every day and i see pain in people that i dont get time to enjoy life. ugh. i also compose my own piano music but it is sooo very sad. and depressing. i wish i could screamo sing!! it is sooo cool. i think this might be a long jornal lol. i am sooooo tired i didnt fall alseep till 1:30 and then i woke up at 2 am and didnt fall back asleep till 6:00. it was awful. uh what a long day. i wish my friend would call. im listening to never shout never lol. it is good. huh that is funny. my life naturally sucks. lol. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. i dont know what to say right now so ya see ya.