why is it that people want to be hurt. we fucking do. we love it. we wouldnt know what the hell to do with ourselves if there wasnt the self aware guarantee that at some point today we are going to get hurt. do we like the idea that we can make ourselves feel better? does it make us feel big? are we just screaming to everyone around "fucking love me already? cant you see i need your help to stop hurting?" are we making ourselves look pathetic so the world seems worse and we dont seem as lazy as we are? we're playing the fucking victims. i will not. god damn it. the bullshit stops here. i do not like hurting. i like being happy. so fuck you downers. i love my life. i love that cockroah on the wall and the tangles in my hair. i love the freckle on my left hand and the scar on my toe. i love that i curse too much and that i belch too loudly. i love how i can be trashy to people and obliviously expect them to think highly of me. suck it. i love myself.

i could love you. i could be absofuckingloutely in love with you. why do you have to be so complicated? why are you so heavy? the ghosts behind the lids of your eyes are keeping them close and you cant see me standing right here, ready for you.

i will be famous. i will be wonderful. i will be likable. i will be charming. i will be suave. i will be classy. i will be debonaire. i will be lovable. i will be kind. i will be nice. i will be good. i will be beautiful. i will be more than mundane.

i am in love. impossibly in love. i do not beleive in love for i am not the type to beleive in things untangible. but baby i am in love. i'm going to have to wait for years to hold you for the first time. but i l o v e you.