ok my life rocks right now! so emily called me last night and we talked about the whole fight thing...it turns out josh was mad cuz me and emily had been fighting alot lately(which we have) and josh has never seen that side of me. i never stay mad at anybody and now me and emily were in a fight so we were mad. but then he couldnt talk to me about it cuz emily told him to stay out of the fight because it was between me and her not the three of us. but i talked to osh about it today and we apologized and everything....we are great friends again and hopeflly we wont get in anymore fights and if we do we will just talk about it and not just get all mad and say we arent friends anymore....i love my best friends and i am sooooo glad i have them back(expecially josh) :)

ok so when im going thru aa tough time in my life i like to write songs. im working on this one right now. its about josh and how the messed up friendship is breaking my heart... breakin my heart again you, your breaking me. your breaking my heart again the first time it hurt so much but this time i dont know if i can even stand i thought that love was the only way that could break my heart but then i found a new way u could hurt *corus* you said nothing ever would break us apart i believed you when you said we were friends from the start i thought i knew you. inside and out again but now i kno that u just wanna break my heart again your nreakin my heart again i, i saw it coming but not right from the start i thought we were friends forever i knew it from my heart but now i see sometimes i gotta follow my head not my broken heart corus thats all i have so far....let me kno wut u think please!

can i say more than the subject? i miss him! it hurts anyway just because he was my first love and so that still hurts. but now i lost him as a friends also....wow i just cant put my pain in words. just let me tell u not to get too involed in stupid drama cuz thats why i dont have him anymore. ok well, i am not sure what else to say. i will let u kno wut hapens

so last night josh texted me. i didnt reply cuz i really need to talk to him in person b4 we r really friends again. i mean, i could just forget this ever happend and tell him i want to be friends. but thats wut i always do when we fight. so this time im going to talk to him in person and tell him exactly what im feeling. then if he seems to want our friendship back then i will give him another chance as long as he gives me one. then maybe we wont fight anymore. cuz i always just forget about our fights and then the next time we fight its worse. so yeah....anyways thanks for reading anyone that actually has. i will let u kno wu happens

wow yesterday i realized how much i actually miss my friendship with josh...sometimes i will see/hear/think of something really funny that either reminds me of an inside joke i have with him or something that just makes me think of him and i think to myself "omg i have got to tell this to josh!" and then i remember that he isnt have friend anymore. i still have 2 best friends and they are awesome. but talking to them isnt the same as it was talking to josh. he always knew the right thing to say and he always listened. he knew when to make me laugh or when to give me advise. when to be serious or when to be funny. ive never had a friend like that. i mean, he just understands just about everything im going thru with family and stuff so now i have nobody to talk to about it. he texted me this morning and told me that he wants to be friends but he still cant tell me why he was mad. idk if i should be his friend again. i want our friendship back but i dont want it back if he isnt going to be himself. or if he is going to believe rumors about me without even talking to me about it first. idk what to do. i wish that josh would read this journal so he could see exactly what im feeling in words. but i dont think that is going to happen. oh well i guess. maybe there is somebody else out there that can be that great friend to me like he was. but honestly i dont want anyone else. i just want him back. thats just about all i want in life right now...