Ry-ry is so nice.. he shared his Bread-o cheese tortalini with me :) Tuesday we talk.. I'm pretty sure it's going to end.. but I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. Mixed feelings kind of.. :\ Going shopping for summer stuff for my camps this weekend! :) With my grandma and mum and Audrey. So it should be a blast. Summit is 16th-18th. Im superpsyched for it.. :D The missions trip is gonna be great too. Were going up near Deluth. Extreme sportage. Yes! :)

My very first memory is of my sister, my dad and I sitting on Audrey's bed at our Big Old White House. Her head board was white, with scrolly designs and flaking gold paint. We were saying our nightly prayers. Or, rather, Dad was. We just had our hands folded and eyes shut. For some reason, I interrupted him and he told me to be quiet. That's how I learned not to talk during prayer. I think I was two. Isn't it funny how you can remember memories from years ago, and they are crystal clear, as if they happened yesterday, but what happened yesterday may be clouded, as if it happened years ago.

So.. me and C kinda sorta broke up. At first it was mutual. Then it wasn't. O.o I told him I needed time to think. I need to pray and make sure that this is right by God. Because my parents are concerned that associating with "people like him" will bring me down as well. But I think that as long as I have God with me all the time, and pray for guidance and protection from temptation, I'll be good to go. I missed him soo much yesterday. We didn't talk at all and I felt like a bitch. :( But I was thinking.. it might hurt me emotionally now, but maybe it's God protecting my future. Because C doesnt really have any drive. He does the bare minimum to get by in school, and he doesnt really care about getting into a good college. Only for wrestling's sake. And he drinks and chews.. Which, the drinking doesn't nessisarily bother me, but the chew does. He says hes quiting. So thats good.. and something that made me feel better about that: My dad used to chew. I dunno, but I was like, 'Ok. I guess it might not be so bad that C chews, as long as hes quiting and/or doesnt do it very often.' We kinda got in a fight about that on Monday. Oh urgh.. Saturday would have been three months.. meh. :\ Well, we're working it out. I still love him.. but I am praying, and hopefully God will tell me or send me a sign/message of what He wants me to do. Because I will follow Him, even if it means C and I cant be together. He's coming to church with us on the seventh:) To Praise in the Park. It makes me happy. Ok, I've prattled on long enough. Have a blessed day!

So.. today was my sissy's grad party.. ugh. So many people. She shared with TC and Sean. Our whole family is down.. Aunt Amy and Uncle Dave and the boys, both sets of grandparents, and Aunt Cindy. No boys.. which is strange. I just wish Uncle JD couldve come.. but anywho. There were so many people there. And it was all about Aud.. so I left. I took a walk. I was going to see C. But he was at Conoco getting ready to go to Nate's party. I guess he hurt his leg on a hurdle in the Shuttle today.. :( It wouldnt stop bleeding. But I think it's better now..?? Not sure. Ugh.. Everything is going wrong.. Ok not everything. But for me, and socially, yes. But. I'm not going to throw a pitty party. So I'll stop now.

Hmm.. Addy still hasn't got the MRI results back. I'm kinda worried. We all keep joking about her "brain tumor" but what if that's what it really is?? Or something else really serious.. Haha. Mom told me to tell her it was prolly a bulging disk. :P Hmm.. There was a fight yesterday afterschool. Cody A and Sprague were going at it at the Reservoir.. but then the cops showed up! :O And everyone there got their name written down haha. Even C. Oopsie.. Good thing I wasn't there otherwise my parents would be pissed. I just noticed.. I say hmm alot :P It's very dark in this room.. Sighh..

1.. In the days that come And nights that pass Do you wonder Ho long this will last do you cry aloud To the crisp clean air And ask how you got From there to here Do you feel so lost A wandering soul Sucked into this Endless black hole Chorus: If you catch the clouds Touch the rain Don't worry The sun will come out again But until then I'll be right here A life preserver In a sea of fear Just take my hand We'll find dry land The stars will shine Come on, let's be alive 2.. The weight you feel The heavy load The firmness of the Sunbaked road The Emptiness And desolate There's only so much You can take Until it all Comes crashing down The crushing hold You feel so distant And so old You can't go on You can't turn back The summer sky Has turned pitch black Chorus Bridge: When you look And see that smile Just sit down Rest awhile I'll save you from Whatever night It now has gone Turn your eyes Into the sun You won't go blind You will become.. Chorus x2

She wakes up on Sunday And paints her face orange She wakes up on Monday And paints her eyes blue On Tuesday her long curly hair is let down But only after she paints each strand brown She looks up at the sky as to work she walks And paints each stranger that never talks As if caught in a dream She paints a city scene As she walks She trips She falls Down the rabbit hole It wasn't there yesterday She reaches for Her can of paint Grasping empty air It isn't there It's nowhere to be seen She has no company She cries herself To sleep And.. She wakes up on Sunday In the mirror: a pale face Look even closer: eyes of grey She touches the strands Of her silky black hair And never once reaches For the paint can That isn't there

We got a one. Best of the scores! :D Choir sucked it up and got a 3 haha on them. As Christina said, "That's poop on toast." :P One more day.. Crazy as it sounds. I'm gonna miss her so much.. I'm not wearing any makeup to graduation haha. But really.. I'm not. C won his fight! The kid tapped out. But it lasted longer. And the guy punched him in the cheek and cut up the inside of his mouth.. on a rubber mouth guard. And it still hurts. But I'm glad he's ok. Justin rolled his truck this weekend. He was in the hospital but he's out and ok now. But apparently it was bad. Went to the movie last night.. Hannah Montana: The Movie. It was actually deece. Some catchy songs.. Me and Christmas are gonna learn the moves to Hoedown Throwdown haha :D Wellp.. that's prolly about it. I'm doing pretty good so far I think:)

We had our band concert today. Not sure how we did. C should be coming over soon. He said he was anyways. I think he lies:( We talked about it last night. I'm contemplaiting actually just going for it. I mean.. I know what I've said before. But things have changed. I'm pretty sure he wants to. And now I kinda do too.. but I dunno. We'll have to see. I bought some cute underwear today :O I work tonight.. bleh. 2 hours.. sighh.. He's still not here. It's been like.. 15 minutes since he said he was stopping by. He's fighting tonight.. the kid is 5-4 vs. C, who is 1-0. Kinda scared.. But the kid he was going to fight was 8-0. So that's lots better. I went to PBR last night at Wells Fargo. It was soo fun! :) I want to go again sometime. A couple guys got hurt though.. One was dragged by his arm and had to go to Mercy (which was just up the road haha). Another one was in the chute and the bull bucked forward. He hit his head on the fence and got knocked out. Intense.

I'm awful at keeping journals. I don't even know if I can finish this one.. But, I spose a journal is like a life story. It's never really finished. And I'm not really sure what to write. So I guess I'll just dive right in. I've been thinking a lot of "deep thoughts" (nameage by Mo). Like how people interact with each other. I mean.. Of all the places I could have ended up, fate stuck me in a dinky little town of 1500. And here I've found some amazing people. It's crazy.. how many things outside of and before my life must have happened to put me in this hereandnow moment. Like, If I never would have searched for a certain song on a certain day at a certain time I never would have found this site. And if we would have chosen to buy what is not Ethan's house instead of the one we have now when we first moved here 5 years ago, Chad and Sheena wouldn't be interested and there would most likely be no hope of moving. It's crazy.. Mind-boggling. But I love it.