I attempted to write a song this morning while lying in bed. It was pretty good, and it rhymed and all, but i don't really remember it. I remember a couple of lines, and reading just them, it seems really stupid, but believe me there WAS more. Here's what i got so far: I expected a prince you're nothing more than a pesant. And i'm stuck in the past need to come back to the present. Kinda lame, but pesant and present?? Me like the creativity! BGF is being kinda odd lately. He invited me and my friend (I'm gonna have to start calling her a fake name, which will be...Kylie. i was on the aeropostale website and that was the name of one of the pants) to a party at his house tomorrow. Kylie says he's been talking about me a lot and i have heard him bash Him with my own ears. I'm afraid he likes me. My other friend (I'll call Bella, since she's very twilighty and Bella-esque) is relieved cause that means BGF doesn't like her anymore. But she has also agreed to come to the party. It's going to be interesting. I hope there aren't a bunch of BGF's bro's friends there, like Kylie said there were at the last party.They're all 18 or older, and most likely VERY straightedge, so it's not like their gonna be all druggy or anything. Well, actually that might be a good thing, having them there, because they're BGF's friends too, and he would probably talk to them a lot, leaving Me, Kylie, and Bella to have our own little party within a party. I want my yearbook! My school gave everybody these dumb little booklets to pass around and sign and stick in their actual yearbook when they come. They won't be mailed out untill late July though, at the earliest. I was at Kylie's house and looking at all her sister's yearbooks, and it made me want one of my own even more. Last year, we didn't get any, and i have a total of 3 yearbooks, since my dog ate up all the others. The newest one i have is from 6th grade. I hope they come relatively soon, cause i'm very anxious!

I was on myspace browsing through the music pages, when i came across this girl's page. She had red hair and brigh blue eyes and was really pretty. Once i got to it, i listened to a couple of her songs. They were too poppy and not really my type, but still, she had a really good voice. I went to read her biography and it turned out that she committed suicide. Her mom and sister had been running her page ever since. Even though she's gone, they're still trying to put her songs on a cd and get them onto itunes. I looked at her blog to see if there were any from when she was still alive, so i could see what she was like, but they were all private. It was really creepy and depressing, looking at her page. I was going to send her a comment saying how good her voice was and that she was really pretty, but i don't know how that would make her mom feel. I wonder what would happen to me if i died. What would people think of this blog? How would anyone know if i was dead or just stopped blogging for a while? What would happen to my facebook? I don't think i could stand looking at one of my friend's facebooks if they died and seeing all their status posts and bumper stickers they sent me. This is so depressing...

Lol, every time Bob sings that in the song Lions Roar, i giggle. I can't wait till I get some actual Hush Sound Cds. I'm trying to sell some stuff on ebay, but my annoying brother says i need to pay him back even though he just made $150. Well, school's been out for over a week and every night i dream about it. The school in my dreams is never the school i really go to, it's basically a combination of my elementary, middle, and high schools. In almost every school dream, He's there and he ignores me and acts like he can't even see me. I remember dreaming dreams like this before last school year, and then they kinda came true. I mean, in real life he still talked to me a LITTLE bit and we sat at the same lunch table, but it is nowhere near what it was like 2 years ago. TWO YEARS!!! Why am i still liking him after we've barely spoken in over a year??? I had my friend ask him if he liked me and he said no, but all my other friends said he's just saying that and lied because he's shy. Why are they all so supportive of me and him being together?? Everybody says he's my type and that we should go out. Are they just saying that to be nice?? What else have they said just to be nice?? There's one person who is very anti-me+him, and that's my BGF. He hates it when any one of his female friends starts dating anyone and gets ridiculously jealous. But he hates my dude especially because their families hate each other and have been in this huge vendetta for a few years. I think that He thinks me and BGF like each other, since we're like best friends and always laughing together. That might be a reason for his distance, even though i don't think of BGF that way at all. Next year's gonna be topsy-turvy as long as He stays in band. Cause if he does, me, he, and BGF will have tons of classes together. That could be good, i mean they were friends before, maybe they could be friends again. So, unless He gets a girlfriend or starts liking somebody else, there's a possibility that things could turn out the way they used to be. But if they don't, i HAVE to move on!!!! This year is the LAST straw!!! If i keep waiting on him, i will never have a boyfriend!! This probably sounds really pathetic, if anyone out there is even reading it, and i bet i sound really selfish and juvenile to you. I kinda seem that way to me, too. I wish i had something more interesting to write about.

I don't even know what my subject means. It's just another sticker on my wall, with some random gangster cartoon kid.I don't know how i'm ever going to take those off my already hideous wooden paneled walls. Well, i was thinking about what i wrote yesterday and it's not really true. I mean it is, but nerdy isn't the right word for our bubble. We aren't really nerdy, we are just all in band and get good grades. I was thinking, and basically everybody is stuck inside their bubble. Sure they talk to other people, but outside of school they stick with their bubble buddies, if even that. It's probably not like that everywhere, but it sure is at my school. Why is it that the closer it gets to the end of the year, the dumber the phrases are that come out of my mouth? My gosh, some of the things i said today came out completely wrong, and they weren't even funny or supposed to be funny. They all turned out a little insulting. This always happens- i remember being like this since 6th grade. I think it's because since the year's almost over, i try to say something that will leave people thinking of me on a good note, but it turns out the opposite. In my mind, I often refer to people as either minions or a henchmen. Minions are usually younger than their henchmen and help their henchmen carry out plans. They also follow their henchmen everywhere. The henchmen are kind of like the ringleaders and can get their minions to do basically whatever they want. But people can be minions and henchmen at the same time. This doesn't really make since and sounds really dungeons and dragonish. I don't know why i even brought it up. I call my friend a minion to her face, and she doesn't think it's mean or anything, she actually laughs, but she doesn't know what it means and she doesn't fit the stereotype. Is that hypocritical? Dammit, i just yahooed a part of my entry from yesterday and it showed up. This means i DEFINITELY can't use real names on here or say any of our inside jokes. My friends are known for googling, so they would be bound to stumble upon this. Maybe i went too far just mentioning the Minions and Henchmen. Unless i wanna type a private journal on here, which i don't think is possible and would be pointless, i can't talk about my love life or lack thereof! Hey- i just GOOGLED the exact same text and it didn't show! Since most people use google, maybe i'm safe! I still better be very careful just incase. I know, i know, i'm paranoid. But I really was in the mood to do a crush rant on here! I'll leave this entry with a quote i thought of in my mind involving, well i'll just call him Him for now: "Our hell's about to freeze over. But not because we've resolved anything, we've simply deserted it." It isn't really long or super original, but i feel like somebody should write a song with this in it. Maybe someday i will explain more about what it means and who it's about, if i ever feel bolder.

Wow. What a lame title. But seriously, I am psyched to be journaling again! I haven't posted a journal entry or even written in a journal since around last December, and everything i did in that spurt was pretty lame. I made a fake myspace, didn't let anybody add me as a friend except my real myspace, and refered to myself as Paytin Coltsburg. Don't ask where that name came from. I should be sleeping right now, or at least studying for my finals. I can't believe we have to go to school till June 11th! School is really pissing me off right now. The majority of my friends are perfectionists who need to get A's on all of their finals, or else it's the end of the world. And my *gasp!* 3.7 GPA is becoming a downer on their smartness cloud. I am a little dissapointed that i have a B in Geometry, but i am fine with all of my other grades. My friends are just kind of annoying me right now cause all they ever want to do is homework or study and my one particularly prissy friend constantly tells me how i'm not living up to my potential. This probably sounds overdramatic and whiney, but i'm sick of living like this. The "nerdy" bubble. There are tons of other kids out there going to parties, hanging out, and they're not even doing anything illegal. They get by with B's, a couple C's and maybe an A, and it looks like they are having the time of their life. I mean, that's what high school is for, isn't it? But in the nerdy bubble, we rarely hang out outside of school, only 1 of us has ever dated anybody, and it seems like we are kind of unhappy. I feel like i've just been sitting here all this time wasting my freshman year away. I mean, NOTHING has happened to me!!! As this year comes to a close, i really hope next year will be better. But that's the exact same thing i said last year. Was this just an awful year stuck in the freshman slump, or am i destined for a boring life?? Why is there a cheeseburger sticker on my wall?? I think i've gone months without noticing it. I bet it's been there since i was like 5 years old. I'm pretty sure it came from a "Braceface" coloring book. Remember that show? The girl who had braces and picked up radio signals and could somehow get alerted of danger or something? Wow, that was random. I think i'm gonna go now cause i'm kinda tired and thirsty.