just kidding. blood tests today, woo. testing for arthritis, rheumatoid problems, and lymes. awesome alternatives, dont you think? as for things prior to therapy tonight, (aside from total body paralysis haha) im doing pretty good. im happy. we will see how things go tonight.

so ive decided to just write at the end of the day, so i dont write eighty journals a day posting every trivial aspect of my life. (con't) i guess theres plenty of things i have to say, i just dont want to. i dont want to deal with drama anymore, im done with it. i dont want to worry anymore, but i guess i dont have a choice. bleh. im happy though, happy with my relationship, happy with the way things are going. as ironic as that might be. but even still, i cant really complain. for the first time in a long time i actually feel good about burning bridges. be it quite a few, and quite a good few, i know that it is what i need right now. i cant stay in those relationships, nor do i want to. you want out, you get out. thats all there is to it. i cant.. i cant deal with making everyone happy anymore. im hurt. im always hurt, and its time that changed. chances are it wont, because somewhere along the line the tightrope im walking on will snap. but im praying it holds. (great metaphor, no?) on a slightly more intriguing note, i get blood work done tomorrow. im either expecting it to be nothing and just my muscles acting up again, or really bad news where somewhere along the lines i will end up wheelchair bound with full body paralysis. exciting. i should be going. i shouldnt even be here, to be honest. but fuck you. in the words of cartman, i do what i want.