i passed my algebra AND world history exam. i don't know how i did it :D i asked my teacher on monday what i made, and she said i made a 93. she sounded surprised, and i was too haha. i thought i was going to make a 70 at most. then on tuesday i had my world history exam, i thought i was gonna fail that too. it turns out i made a 75, and my final grade was an 80. this made me realize how much i worry about things, haha. but i procrastinate way too much and don't even care, then worry like hell the last few days. but whatever, i passed all of my classes and today was the first day of summer. i'm going to make this summer great. >:D and thank you lucygray for wishing me luck, haha. :D

i feel like i am going to break down and cry. again. i'm so incredibly weak. my final exam for algebra is tomorrow. the only way i'll pass is from pure luck. i'm stressing so bad right now, that earlier i had a breakdown over dropping my sandwich. my brother yelled at me, which made me cry harder. then when i came out, i sat on the couch and attempted to study algebra when my brother asked "what the hell is wrong with you, why do you hold your head like that?". i was trying to get the hair out of my face, not 'holding my head'. and that made me cry too. i feel so lame today. so i took a shower, and after my brother attempted to help me but he doesn't even know algebra 1. he's 23. my mom doesn't either. fml. on another note, after all those breakdowns and having an extreme headache, i opened my phone expecting no messages and i see one from C. it said "i'm almost backkk yayyyyyy" because he's been to florida for the past few days. reading it made me automatically feel at least 40% better, and i smiled. how gay is that? i SMILED over a text message from a boy. i'm turning into a stupid little girl, i swear. or a stupider one. that's it i guess. wish me luck on the test tomorrow, even though it's gonna kick my ass.

my attempts are useless. i'm getting too caught up in things that probably won't even happen. why don't i focus on more important things, like algebra and photography and writing?

Fuck overcrowded buses. That's all I have to say for today. :C And I want my monroe piercing. So bad.

I wake up to A mental feeling that I once knew. Winter's passing as I slumber, Crossing our fingers for the summer. I deleted a lot of my entries because I'm going to start using nicknames now. I had a dream that my friends found out this is mine, and I'd rather that not happen haha. So, I think I really like C now. :x I feel like a lame little girl, but I guess that's what I am, haha. And I think the feelings mutual so that's even better. I like him a lot more than anyone I've ever liked before, and that's weird for me. We have a lot in common, he's funny, we have the same weird sense of humor, and overall, he's dope. And he's pretty too. :} That's really the only exciting thing in my life right now. So I guess I'll stop here. And I know I say this in every entry, but for once I really mean it: Things are really getting better. I can't wait for summer. Get the move on, I’ll pack a lunch. Tell my mom that we can fit a bunch more in her car. See if she’s cool using my car. I can drive so fast I turn hands into airplane wings, oh the things that life’s made of-- they seem so made up. Everything seems better by the seaside, with the sand and sun in your eyes you’re blinded dumb. And the fire hits the water and the sky turns red and it doesn’t matter what was said when days are done. Well, let’s have some fun.

So I'm sitting here, eating microwavable chicken alfredo and wishing I wasn't so typical. I'm so bored. I'm starting to think I don't have the ability to make my goals come true. I've had the same ambition for about two years, and I still haven't made it happen. It's all my fault, though. I wish wish wish I had someone I felt loved me for who I was, as a friend, or more, I don't really care. Despite my flaws. One of my friends even seem like she's getting tired of me, and I'm getting tired of her. I don't know what else to do. Actually, I do. I've been waiting for things to come to me instead of getting them. I'm too scared, and everyone's holding me back. But fuck that, no one's gonna hold me back anymore. Like Chad Sugg says, "Sit tight, don't make a move. You always were one to let it come to you. Sometimes that doesn't work, sometimes you gotta stand up and shake that ass." Except, you know. I'm not gonna stand up and like, literally shake my ass. That would be pretty weird. I thought I would have a hard time writing an entry like usual, but this one actually flowed easily. And I inspired myself, haha. This entry is a promise to myself, that I'm going to make this happen. I will. It's all about how I perceive myself.

I'm not new here, I'm follow the lights. I made a new account again. And I'm starting over, again. But this is the last time. I hope. I'm probably lying. I got tired of livejournal, so I'm gonna start posting my stupid writing and poems here. These were written when I was in Massachusetts, and I don't really remember what I was feeling, but...I really hated it there. Haha. I'm not a very good writer. And I'm only 14 years old. Just saying. Newport there's a boy walking down the street, Newport in hand kneeling down to examine the ground finding every remain he can. he's living and breathing off of someone else's dirty, dropped, ruined, burnt out words. but he doesn't care, because lips are lips words are words and actions are factors. so stop shaking your hips because no ones watching and no one's impressed. so stop screaming because you're wasting the breath. stop caring, blood's just fuel for mosquitoes. tears are just fuel for sympathy. sympathy's just fuel for attention, and attention's just fuel for ego. ego dies out. so lets drop our hearts tonight and see where the town takes us. consequences don't matter when you're already tied and your hearts are 62 miles away. Untitled? i've got some big city dreams and this place just doesn't have it. isolated with some friends in this sad small town but it's enough for now. wasting away, late nights and too much caffeine we type in code and speak in whispers contemplating our dreams. we may be young, but we can believe. so with these melodic minds and eyes like diamonds we'll do anything to make this happen. head for the hills, my life's on fire! the flames are out of control, we're getting higher. i'll walk these streets late at night. i'll follow the stars before they burn out and see what i can't in the light. i'm making something out of this, tongues tied to shoelaces. i follow your words like you never know you give me the beat you control my flow. you're in charge of wherever i go. bad influences just brighten the contradiction. listen now, tomorrow's too late. we're gonna do this, whatever it takes. Untitled Again? these punched out eyes mean a lot to me. there's not much to who i am, i'm whatever you see. take time and maybe i/we'll get somewhere. i change a lot. i'm not clever, i'm not creative. what i think now is not what i thought yesterday. but make me laugh and maybe i'll change i'll find what i need, pour the insecurities down this cliche drain. believe in me. because i believe in things that aren't there. i believe in you because of that. but why would you/anyone care? these are just torn up and u n c o n n e c t e d t h o u g h t s. scattered everywhere.