Ok. Just one small note is that I'm 15, not 16. I don't know why the fuck I wrote 16, but I'm not ok... I tried to change that first post by editing it, but I'm on my iPod touch and everytime I click the edit button my Ipod glitches & I get pulled out of the Internet.

Kai, its currently about 4/5am. The only reason I'm up now is because for about the past month I haven't been able to sleep at night. I'm not sure why, but for some reason I can't seem to get more than two hours of sleep! It might be another reason that I've been stressed lately. I seriously don't know why I can't sleep! The whole not sleeping thing doesn't affect me during the day as much as you'd think it would. I'm usually not tired during the day, so I'm still a straight A student. But I would never let myself not be a straight A student, I'm to much of a perfectionist. Anyway not sleeping might be some weird symptom I have. For the past 2 months or so I've been going to the doctor a ton to try and figure out what's wrong with me. Symptoms. 1. I normally sleep less than two hours at night. Surprisingly enough I don't have bags under my eyes... I'm seriously considering that I might be nocturnal, if that's possible. I don't ever sleep during the day though... 2.I'm always cold. It's not me that feels cold, like I might be sweating and complaining about how hot it is, but if someone touches me they'll freak out and complain about how cold I am. 3.I'm pale white. I've always been a white kid, but I was never as white as I am now, before I could at least tan a bit, but that seems impossible now. But lately I've just been getting whiter and whiter, and now I'm like pale white! 4.Lately I've been getting nauseous really easily, which is not good for someone who used to be bulimic... 5.I get a lot of pains. Like stomach pains etc. Eating always tends to hurt, which makes me not like eating. 6. Umm. I can't really think of all the crap symptoms right now, I've got a list somewhere but if I go looking for it my mother might get angry... If you've got any idea to whatever my issue is go ahead and try and tell me, I'd love to know! I've been going to the doctor a ton & I just got a shit load of blood work done last Thursday, so hopefully I find out what's wrong with me! ... and just a little note to anyone who may reply to this, please, PLEASE, do not say I'm a twilight vampire. My friends sometimes say that and it really pisses me off. I don't sparkle in the sunlight, so don't ask if I do (like my friends do...) Seriously it pisses me off! Some of the twilight obsessed people I know say they're jealous of me, but don't be because this is all stressful as hell for me! Anyway I should probably stop writing, I'll update you all on another day!

Ok then. This is sort of new to me, but I came along the whole journal thing just by doing some random clicking. Anyway I thought I would try the journal that way I can just let out anything that's bothering me, because I've been sort of stressed lately. I suppose I should tell you guys a bit about me. I have 5 siblings, except I only live with one of them. The reason I have 5 siblings is because my father is sort of a whore and has 5 kids with 4 different woman. First theres my older sister Ariel who's 17, then theres me who's 16, then my younger sister Charlotte who's around 6, then my younger brother Eithen who's a bit older than two, and my youngest sister Sophie who's about 8 or so months. I live with my younger brother Jackson who's 2 years old, I live with him because he's my mothers son. He's only my half brother though because his father is my step dad. Umm. I'm 5'5 and 125 pounds (with size C/D 32 boobs), I have deep green eye's and my hair colour is brown, with a mixture of red & golden colours from the sun. I'm extremely White, I'm not exactly sure why I'm so White though. It doesn't matter how much I try and tan I somehow only seem to get whiter. Anyway I hope that paints some sort of a mental picture in your head about me... Umm. I suppose I should fill you in on a bit of my life issues. About a year and a half ago I became bulimic, but I'm not anymore don't worry. Every once in a while I'll screw up and go back to my old habits, but it's only when I've just gone through something really bad or stressful. The only reason I became and stayed bulimic was to help me deal with my issues and stress. I seriously don't know how it does it, but it calms me down whenever I have like a panic attack or something along those lines. Anyway I stopped forcing myself to throw up about 4 months ago, but every once in a while I screw up and all my progress goes down the drain. I forced myself to throw up during school yesterday & I sort of hate myself because of it, I went an entire month without throwing up and I just ruined it all yesterday. One of the reasons I did it was because I was upset with one of my close friends. Me and my two best friends (Maxi & Dani) have stuck together for about 5 years now, and well one of my friends just doesn't seem to care anymore about Dani & me anymore. All she cares about is being with her boyfriend 24/7. She almost missed my birthday and Dani's birthday because she wanted to just hang out with him, but the only reason she came was because we had both guilt tripped her. Truthfully I blame him for all this. If it wasn't for him Max would still be staying strong with us. I'm just extremely thankful I have Dani, I now know that she's my true best friend. Anyway Dani & me got in a fight with Max the night before Max went off to vacation in Mexico, so that's what sort of triggered my forcing myself to vomit. One thing I might want to add is that NO ONE knows about my bulimic behaviours. Not even Dani or my mother. I want to tell Dani so badly but I just don't know how... I think I've written a bit much, so I'll probably just write another day.