so life is well interesting these days, i really really like this girl but some people keep telling me to go for it, some keep telling me to give up. i have no idea what to do, i think im just gonna see what happens friday night with the pub crawl and go from there, i really do like her. fuck, depression well shits hitting hard, im like craving cutting, craving isnt the right word but it fits, life just seems to be spiralling out of control it fucking sucks, my parents are doing my head in again, i just want to drink and drink myself to sleep and never wake up. Uni is fucking hard, im like dying everyday, things are ok ive met ppl that are awesome, but for fuck sake im so fucking over living, smoking drinking, cutting thats all my life is right now, i fucking hate it i thought things were gonna be better gonna be more awesome, fuck ive met some awesome ppl and ive gotten hell close with heaps of others, i just need love, my parents are fucking cunts, my life fucking sucks, my friends make me who i am, im fying inside and they cant see, i hate being so good at hiding it, fuck all i need, all i want is for this to be over, to not have to worry about finding a girl to not have to worry about someone liking me, to not have to worry about anything. it fucking sucks, i hate life, i hate being single, i hate being unloved, my life, bah its not even a life, it fucking sucks fuck this shit im just gonna cut and sleep, my blood should soothe the pain

so im in remission, things are going ok with that, i have hair, its growing ok, im at uni fulltime, things are interestingly different im meeting some people, and having fun, but then im like dying inside, there are days when i just still feel like giving up, i thought these meds were supposed to fix everything, but the fuck it hasnt, i just wish fuck i just wish things were easy again, wish they were how they used to be so many years ago, fuck it all, i just want to know the truth am i me or am i just pretending?