so will someone be there now to put roses on my grave? its almost been a week, and i feel no better, sure i put on a happy face but inside well my heart is broken anyone who knows how this feels knows exactly wat im feeling, i had a friend quote rise against for me she quoted paper wings she told me that "i cant tell if your laughing, coz between each smile there's a tear in your eye" it felt nice that regardless of the mask im putting on she could still tell my heart was broken and that i wasnt ok, but it also made me sad, it made me feel like i cant hide things as well as i thought, i cant let ppl see what im feeling ive worked so hard 2 be who i am now, im feeling like there is a hole inside that is just never gonna be filled again, i cant show that to the world i have 2 put on a mask keep the world believing im ok

so last nite, was shit house, complete shit, i havent complained in a while everything is going ok, my moods in check, im not drinking as much, im being sensible. now this happens it feels like my heart has been ripped out, it hurts so much, and ppl not takin it seriously it fucking hurt, falling for someone so hard and so fast and then having it all taken away, its a dagger to the heart with nothing to stem the bleeding

yes i know im smitten, im head over heels im a guy and i cna admit it, but i dunno i was those things and so much more, sure she is still on my mind all the time, but she is going off at me because i didnt buy her a ticket 2 a festival with bands she hates???? and she told me not 2. i dunno, yes i love her, but can i truly go through this shit again? is it worth it?

so in the aftermath of the greatest fucking day ever, im sore im aching, my legs arent working properly, my voice isnt fully back, it hurts 2 bang my head. all in all a very successful aftermath lol. im so keen 2 do it again rly rly soon, but alas adelaide is deprived of concerts like this. in so much pain right now, i rly dont give a fuck about what she said, about how she was pissed off, she didnt wanna go so i didnt buy her a ticket, that was my day and she has no place bringing me down over it, fuck it, was epic day and i wouldnt change a thing